Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Back To The Old Habits!


After breaking up with Ali I’ve been here and there, mostly everywhere and trying to get my life back the way it was before.

I never said this in this blog but I used to be quite naughty back in the days when I went completely independent from my family and had an apartment of my own. It all started when I was 22, still a virgin and never had a real sexual encounter with a man. My parents were very possessive so my father never allowed me to go out anywhere and be at home before 12 am; so it was obvious that once I was living alone I was going to “Live la Vida Loca” which till this date I don’t regret.

I had several one night stands and I even took part of a threesome, all of this in less than a year, my last one night stand was Ali. I don’t regret him either.

Although I have matured enough to know one night stands only leave emptiness and never fill that sense of pleasure I still wanted to give it another try, but I haven’t had the courage to do it just yet but I’ve been naughty enough to be fooling around with a few other guys I’ve already met and gone out with and only one of them got lucky.

Is the guy I post about a few weeks back, I met him at an online dating service, he lives in the Northeast side of my country, I live in the North Pacific so it was going to be a bit difficult to meet. Chatting very few times and txt messaging once in a while with our cells little by little things got heated up, ‘til the point of having phone sex one time and cybered another; the week after I get an invitation from him to go visit him at his city, not having anything to do that next weekend I booked a flight to Monterrey (Mexico, don’t confuse it with Ca).

And I must confess it’s been the best weekend I have ever spent in my whole life. It was all a dream, we felt as if we met each other since a long time, he is a true gentleman, a sweet, charming, delicate, sensitive and much more. Not to mention how horny, and creative he is which drove me wild. I felt we are quite compatible, in all the aspects you can think, but still something troubles me, and mainly is the distance.

I thought I would never know from him again, he had to leave to Boston the same day I was taking my flight back home, he said he would send me an email as soon as he got there but I never did get anything from him, then I knew it was all finished. But I guess I was wrong, when he came back from his trip he txt messaged me saying he was back, we exchanged a few other messages and that was the end of it. ‘til this day we are still keeping contact.

Last Saturday when I logged in the internet I saw him online, while chatting he said he was very happy and thankful that we met and then said something that shocked me “I wished you were right here with me to keep me company”. I couldn’t swallow it completely and to my surprise I felt uncomfortable by those words. We just met, how can he say something like that? He doesn’t know me! So I asked him to stop. The next day we saw each other online and said he wishes to see me again. Surprisingly I felt something, I don’t know what it was, happiness, sadness, it was all mixed emotions but I couldn’t say a word, I just smiled back, he asked what was wrong and I asked him if he was just joking around with those things, but he said he was serious and why would I be thinking like that? But I was not expecting him to tell me anything after our meeting, after all it was just a visit of sexual pleasuring without inhibitions right? But I felt he felt offended by what I just said, he said he enjoyed being with me and he wanted to see me if the time and schedules coincided but oh well, that was just him.

I couldn’t say anything, I didn’t know what to say or how to react at such thing, I’m not used to this kind of treatment and it hurts, if he’s not telling the truth it hurts, I just broke up with a man I thought was going to be the man of my life and now this guy comes and tells me he wants to see me again. I thought it was going to be sex, heat and end of story, no more continues.

Right now I’m very confused, I know he likes me, I know he’s being honest, for Pete’s sake he gave me his home phone number last night so I can call him. This is too compromising for me!! I don’t need to know any phone numbers, I don’t want to have a relationship right now, hell I don’t even think I want to see him again, what if I fall for him? I don’t want that, I’m still too sensitive, but at the same time I want to see him, desperately I want to be with him just like he told me that Saturday, and I also want to see him soon, very soon.

Even knowing he’s true with his feelings I’ve been dating a couple of other guys, I even tried to go on a weekend getaway with one of them, but he seems extremely shy for my taste, and I’m looking for a guy with a spark, fortunately I got sick with a flu, and he never called me back, that’s a good sign it means there was no chemistry.

Anyhoo, I’m not going to keep my hopes for the long distance guy, what good would he give me anyway? So I’ll just see who comes next.


Happy Hump-Day Everyone!

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