Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Back To The Old Habits!


After breaking up with Ali I’ve been here and there, mostly everywhere and trying to get my life back the way it was before.

I never said this in this blog but I used to be quite naughty back in the days when I went completely independent from my family and had an apartment of my own. It all started when I was 22, still a virgin and never had a real sexual encounter with a man. My parents were very possessive so my father never allowed me to go out anywhere and be at home before 12 am; so it was obvious that once I was living alone I was going to “Live la Vida Loca” which till this date I don’t regret.

I had several one night stands and I even took part of a threesome, all of this in less than a year, my last one night stand was Ali. I don’t regret him either.

Although I have matured enough to know one night stands only leave emptiness and never fill that sense of pleasure I still wanted to give it another try, but I haven’t had the courage to do it just yet but I’ve been naughty enough to be fooling around with a few other guys I’ve already met and gone out with and only one of them got lucky.

Is the guy I post about a few weeks back, I met him at an online dating service, he lives in the Northeast side of my country, I live in the North Pacific so it was going to be a bit difficult to meet. Chatting very few times and txt messaging once in a while with our cells little by little things got heated up, ‘til the point of having phone sex one time and cybered another; the week after I get an invitation from him to go visit him at his city, not having anything to do that next weekend I booked a flight to Monterrey (Mexico, don’t confuse it with Ca).

And I must confess it’s been the best weekend I have ever spent in my whole life. It was all a dream, we felt as if we met each other since a long time, he is a true gentleman, a sweet, charming, delicate, sensitive and much more. Not to mention how horny, and creative he is which drove me wild. I felt we are quite compatible, in all the aspects you can think, but still something troubles me, and mainly is the distance.

I thought I would never know from him again, he had to leave to Boston the same day I was taking my flight back home, he said he would send me an email as soon as he got there but I never did get anything from him, then I knew it was all finished. But I guess I was wrong, when he came back from his trip he txt messaged me saying he was back, we exchanged a few other messages and that was the end of it. ‘til this day we are still keeping contact.

Last Saturday when I logged in the internet I saw him online, while chatting he said he was very happy and thankful that we met and then said something that shocked me “I wished you were right here with me to keep me company”. I couldn’t swallow it completely and to my surprise I felt uncomfortable by those words. We just met, how can he say something like that? He doesn’t know me! So I asked him to stop. The next day we saw each other online and said he wishes to see me again. Surprisingly I felt something, I don’t know what it was, happiness, sadness, it was all mixed emotions but I couldn’t say a word, I just smiled back, he asked what was wrong and I asked him if he was just joking around with those things, but he said he was serious and why would I be thinking like that? But I was not expecting him to tell me anything after our meeting, after all it was just a visit of sexual pleasuring without inhibitions right? But I felt he felt offended by what I just said, he said he enjoyed being with me and he wanted to see me if the time and schedules coincided but oh well, that was just him.

I couldn’t say anything, I didn’t know what to say or how to react at such thing, I’m not used to this kind of treatment and it hurts, if he’s not telling the truth it hurts, I just broke up with a man I thought was going to be the man of my life and now this guy comes and tells me he wants to see me again. I thought it was going to be sex, heat and end of story, no more continues.

Right now I’m very confused, I know he likes me, I know he’s being honest, for Pete’s sake he gave me his home phone number last night so I can call him. This is too compromising for me!! I don’t need to know any phone numbers, I don’t want to have a relationship right now, hell I don’t even think I want to see him again, what if I fall for him? I don’t want that, I’m still too sensitive, but at the same time I want to see him, desperately I want to be with him just like he told me that Saturday, and I also want to see him soon, very soon.

Even knowing he’s true with his feelings I’ve been dating a couple of other guys, I even tried to go on a weekend getaway with one of them, but he seems extremely shy for my taste, and I’m looking for a guy with a spark, fortunately I got sick with a flu, and he never called me back, that’s a good sign it means there was no chemistry.

Anyhoo, I’m not going to keep my hopes for the long distance guy, what good would he give me anyway? So I’ll just see who comes next.


Happy Hump-Day Everyone!

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

I WILL Survive!


Yeah I got the keys to my house back, his stuff are out of my closet, hell I am free again! But dammit, you know how it is when you had a relationship with someone and that someone meant something special to you but you have to move on?

I guess if it would have happened to me something similar to what happened to Ali I would have done the same thing, I would have searched for the person who supported me throughout 3.5 years or more and I wouldn't like him to put his back on me when I needed at least someone to talk to.

So yes, we met that saturday night at my house and he was really in no good shape, he even kind of scared me when he said he didn't go to work that day, and for him to not go to work for no particular reason is really really strange.

Making a very long story short I listened to his problem and how he felt about his life and his situation and how his life is passing by and nothing has changed, on the other hand it has gotten worse. Being the ear that I always am for all the friends I have and sometimes not even friends I try to comfort them so they can go on with their lives and make them feel that what they're going through isn't the end of the world.

Ali wanted to spend the night, and to be honest I was really horny! So he spent the night there, but as soon as he asked to come back the next day I said no. Hoorray for me!!!, nooow things are turning the way I want to, and I see him when I want to at the time I want to. And that feels so damn good!

In the mean time I've been single again, I've been moving on, dating a few other guys here and there, but nothing really interesting happening anyway. I even got into that online dating services and there's where I met this guy who captured me since the first time we had contact, we've txt msg our cells every once in a while to wish each other a nice day. The only problem is he's in another city, not too far away from where I live, but it would be very difficult to manage a relationship long distance. Still I'm willing to give it a try and last friday we arranged a meeting for next weekend in his city. So let's see how that goes.

While I'm arranging my trip, Ali calls saturday afternoon to see if I'm available, I said I was but until late that night, around 9 pm. So 9 pm came, 9:10, 9:30, 10pm, 10:30. I thought he wouldn't show up, so I changed clothes and wore my pj's to go to bed when I hear the door bell and it was him. We started a fight, that's really rare on us because we never really fight, worse in the midle of the street and that's what we were doing. He was angry at the way I asked him why he was so late, I don't even bother anymore to ask him why he didn't call because 1) I know the answer and 2) I no longer care. So he starts shouting at me and saying I'm a selfish woman and never cared about anybody’s feelings and that I only care about mine and that's why he never wants to marry because "All women are the same".


He got into his car and I ran infront of it to stop it, so he does, I reach his window and asked him:

Me: “What did you just said?, Now after 3 years you tell me why you don’t want commit?”

Ali: I don’t want to talk about it and I don’t want to talk to you anymore, you think I don’t notice how hard you are with me and how cold you are when I come to see you?


Me: Step out of the car because I really need to hear these things you’re saying.

We got inside the house and asked him to sit and speak.

“Let it all out” I said “I want to hear what you have to say before you get your ass out of my house for good”

I was acting like a therapist and Ali the patient, and so he really did “Let it all out”

I can’t believe a man can keep all that crap inside him for so long, how you men do it really??? I’m extremely impressed! And I never did thought that he ever noticed how I changed and since when I started acting so bitchy.

I am really impressed!

He even said he was EMOTIONALLY TIRED!! When do you hear a man saying “emotionally”?

Well I haven’t!

Anyway, my answers to all my questions, same as the readers that have followed my story since the beginning have been answered.

You wanna know?

I know you do!

He’s scared of commitment because he has seen everybody around him falling apart in their marriages, he doesn’t want that, he also doesn’t want to be tied to anybody telling him what to do and how to act and how to do things in his life, I doesn’t want the responsibility for a woman who is living with him or even married. He just wants to be free.

Totally understandable, still I don’t get how he doesn’t want commitments and he is committing to buy a house with his nephew.

That is a commitment and a responsibility aswell but I guess he was just talking about a living thing, and not a house and let’s just leave it at that.

And then he asked “Why are you acting so cold with me?”

And well folks, you know the answer…I also “let it all out”

And for the 20th time I told him it was over…over…OOOOVVEEERRRRRRR!!!

Because he really didn’t get it the first time so I had to put it in a more clear phrase so he could chew on it better.

‘Ali, you are here because I need SEX, I don’t need your money for the rent, I don’t need your help for anything, but I can’t use a damn vibrator or just get laid with the first man that crosses my street, so that’s really the reason why I allow you to stay around, for the SEX, that’s it, I don’t love you anymore, I just need the SEX, so this is the only thing I can offer you, SEX, no nice feelings, no tenderness, no love, no nothing, just SEX, SEX, SEX, so it’s really up to you, if you want to stay around we’ll just have SEX, no word exchange no interaction, just SEX, and if you don’t like it well…the door is wide open!” Any questions?

Ali: So this means we are over?



Any other questions?

Ali: No

Good,now let’s have SEX!

Happy Hump-Day Everyone!

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Turning to Another Page in History!

Deep Breath...

Finally he's gone, I can't believe what I did and I'm still in shock, I kicked him out and still I don't know where I got the courage to do so when it took me a whole year to tell him I wasn't happy anymore.

Suddenly that day was here. I wasn't so much aware of how serious Ali was on getting that house he always wanted until he told me a couple of weeks ago he was going to sign a contract and live a new life with his family. Weird, I didn't feel anything so I let him eat some leftovers I had on the fridge while he was giving me the heads up about how happy and excited he was about this new house; after he finished I told him I would gladly help him pack his stuff so he could leave....RIGHT NOW!

He stopped for a while and looked at me for an instant, he didn't know if he heard me correctly or I was joking, then asked "What???" and I just nodded "what you heard". Without more time to loose I hurried him up to get all his stuff in his luggage and even gave him extra grocery bags and a few other bags I could find so he could take his stuff away that same night to never come back. He still couldn't believe what was going on, I kept packing up his clothes and the rest of his remainings while he was assuring me he didn't even had the house keys yet.

I don't care baby, you're getting that house anyway right? so you'll have plenty of space to take your junk (grins).

he finished packing and putting everything inside his car, all of a sudden something hit me, I was going to be left alone, and it was now for real. I WAS GOING TO BE ALONE!!!! What in the world am I doing? Why aren't I stopping him and tell him it was just a joke and, well, let's get back inside and be the couple we've always been right?? But words didn't come out of my mouth, this time it was all actions, my hands and feet were doing things I didn't want to do and I couldn't stop it. And then the best for last, I spit "I'm going to need my spare keys for the car...and the house...please".

Yup, he was amazed just as I was, did I just say that? Did I just asked him to give me back my keys? after giving him the right to come into my house for 3 whole years? Oh my god I must be completely insane! I must be posessed by some sort of demon, I could have NOT said that ever!!!

He hessitated a while to give me back my keys as I had my hands extended and waiting for them to be dropped on my hands; he asked me if I was sure about it, and I said yes, he asked if he could come and visit me and I said NO, he asked if he was ever going to see me again and I said Maybe, probably, but not for now.

We had sex for the last time that night and I dropped a tear, bringing back the memories when he first moved in with all his stuff inside his car and I was helping him put his clothes in my closet and making enough room for his stuff.

Those were the happy times.

It was all clear, his choice of getting a home with his family was real, he was no joke and I was never a part of that plan. Well, if he really wants a house instead of the woman who gave him all of her life and her love for almost 4 years then there's nothing much to do to change his mind. It was all about the desire to reach "The American Dream".

Last Saturday my cell phone rang, it was him, he sounded...strange, preocupied, worried...devastated?

Ali: Hello? How are you? Are you going to be home tonight? I need to talk to you, remember that house I bought? Well it turned out it was all a fraud, I have no house, I have no money and I have nowhere to go, I really need you.

To be Continued....