Friday, March 31, 2006

what NOT to expect from those you think they might CARE!

Sheesssh...

So yes, I'm a regular human being that needs pampering when something bad happens in it's life and a little bit of comforting words wouldn't be so bad.

After we were released from the police station note that I didn't weep or try to drop a tear all that time, I'm the strong cousin dammit, the older one, the most responsible one, the one who faced the charge of driving because little cousin didn't have her drivers license up to date. So yes, I was the one being yelled at by the police when I couldn't explain exactly how the accident happened, the one asked for her papers and the one that has an accident record.

How much did I wanted to call my parents to give me support while I was waiting at the police station, my cousin did, immediately her parents showed up they were there all the time. Why didn't I call my parents and decided to tell them the next day at noon that I had an accident and needed medical attention? Because my aunt said she would visit my parents the next day to talk about the subject. I didn't want to scare them away.

You see, I have a big problem, I hate showing up my feelings to people, even if they're my family, I can be broken inside but not show a face of sorrow or pain while everybody is present, especially when my parents are present, I don't want to make them worried about me, I don't want to show dependency of anybody, I need to show them I'm strong, I can deal with anything and stand up every time.

When I came back home after the accident, I opened the door to my apartment and faced something I have never realized before. Who is there for me when I need comfort? My house felt empty, huge, lonely. I couldn't stand it anymore and many thoughts came to my mind, the first one, my parents were on vacations the week before the accident and actually they were not planning to come back until one more month, but at the last minute decided to get back home because they missed me, they were 4 houses away from mine and still I didn't want to knock on their door at 11 pm to cry on their laps and tell them for the first time in my life I felt death so near me and I was afraid. The second thought was, I really don't have anybody that loves me or that I know he will be there for me when I need him.

For the first time in my life I felt alone. I dropped myself to the sofa and began crying, I cried my soul out, the pain in my heart was deeper than the pain I had from the accident, I thought for a second to call BT (his name is Ali by the way), but then I thought what's the use? he's nothing to me, what good will it do to me if I call him? So I didn't. I took a sleeping pill and headed to sleep hoping the pain would go away.

Tuesday night when Ali appeared and saw me with the neck support asked me what had happened, I explained to him, but just as I thought he made a sarcastic comment: "oh you're whining for a little pain in your neck, just take a shower with hot water and it will go away".

Sure, he's an ass! but at least he was useful to fix me dinner and give me a back rub with no sex. Wonderful!

Still, I needed a little pampering, which did never happened of course and yes, I was still sentive as I am now and I needed to cry a little more and well tell him what I felt about the whole experience, but of course he never let me....he was too busy reading his books on the internet to care.

Anyway, that day passed, then yesterday was another day Ali came to visit, still asking me why am I wearing the neck support, now I'm thinking he either suffers from Alz Heimers disease or he just plays stupid, which ever that was, he got into my nerves, thought I was playing, then another sarcastic comment appeared: "I've had so many accidents and look I don't cry, besides it was just a little bump don't be exagerated".

That did it, I couldn't stand it more and cried infront of his face, I know he hates that from me, he has told me that several times, he doesn't like to see me crying, he gets really angry when I do. So I've always tried to not cry infront of him but this time I just couldn't help it. That sure pissed him off and made him get out of the room for a few hours, even after he came back I was still weeping; stupid me I still asked him why he was so mean to me, why wouldn't he at least hug me? I needed a damn hug is that too much to ask?

But of course I forgot I never showed him how weak I am about things, so it is really my fault, he didn't know how to act on me, he barely sees me cry whenever he does something to me I feel is rude. All I know is how to expect him to act on me whenever something bad happens, he'll just ignore it.

Note to self, I was right I didn't call him that night, I'm really glad I didn't.

Somebody will come to my life and will get to appreciate me more, at least I'll have somebody to cry with whenever I feel blue.

Happy Friday Everyone!

Thursday, March 30, 2006

6 lives more to go!

WHEEEW..

I never thought it would happen to me, and always wanted to see it with my own eyes. Monday night my cousin and I were on our way to see "Hostel" the movie when a car hit us from the left side of my cousin's car and made us spin in the intersection hitting a stop light post, it was all so fast and at the same time so slow I still remember every second of it. It happened just like in the movies, the sounds disapeared, I felt the car tilting to the right and I turning my head to the left to see what was making us move and I could see a white car taking us out of the way, my cousin trying to control the car and I turning to every direction to see if anybody was going to hit us again, then I turned to her side and a big truck about to hit the driver side, I closed my eyes for a second, suddenly I turn my head to the right and I see a pole coming my way, I turned into a ball immediately without closing my eyes and seeing everything.

When the car stopped I was surprised the pole didn't hit me, it hit the front of the car distroying only the right lights and the right tire; I immediately turned to the left to see if my cousin was ok and we both looked at each other, then saw the big truck stopped just inches away from my cousin.

All the sounds of the street came back and I could hear my cousin asking me if I was ok, for then I realized I had a neck pain but everything else was in it's place, just my glasses jumped to the back seat of the car from the impact. Immediately I remember the car that hit us so I turned around to see if it stopped, but it didn't; it was a hit and run accident.

We got out of the car still asking each other if we were ok and still confused of what happened we didn't know what to do, funny thing, my cousin wanted to move the car out of the way because it was blocking the street and I was still thinking we were going to miss the movie if we didn't move quick.

A patrol officer came to us and asked what had happened, I told him only what I saw and left me with the words in my mouth and headed directly to where I told him the car that hit us probably have gone. A few minutes later 5 more patrols came to us and asks us if we ok and as soon as we said we were they headed over the the first patrol went. An ambulance appeared, then a fire truck and all of them were sent to the other side of the street. I was getting very angry from the lack of attention we were getting, we could have needed medical attention maybe. Finally another patrol car stopped infront of us and asked us for our papers, and told us we would be arrested until it was resolved who was responsible.

I was so scared and angry at the same time, we were going to get arrested for no reason! Luckily another officer came from the other side of the street and told our officer the person driving the other car was drunk, he immediately let us go, but still asked us to come with him to the police station to file a report against the person who hit us. So we got into the car and headed over the place the other car was standing; we saw the same white car, completely distroyed from the front and a woman laying on the floor with her face covered. I thought the woman was dead.

After we got to the police station, we asked the officer if the woman was dead, he told us after she hit us she pushed the gas so fast she lost control of her car and smashed it over a tree, then the car bounced to the other side of the street, the woman suffered minor injuries and a broken neck and was sent to the hospital for treatment, they asked her about the accident but she didn't remember anything.

A few minutes later a judge called us and asked us if we were injured so they could file custody of the woman, at that moment I didn't feel pain and my cousin the same, so we filed no charges against her.

I've been with a neck support for two days and haven't gone to work, for a dislocated bone and have to keep the suport for another week until my next doctor's appointment; my cousin only suffered a small inflamation to her back but it's nothing serious. Still with this, I think I did fine by not sending her to jail. While we were waiting at the police station for our release I kept thinking what had happened to this woman's life to make her drink on a monday afternoon...a tormentous life maybe?

And I was right, the next day when I went to the insurance company to get my hospital pass the insurace guy told me he had spoken to the woman's family and told him she had a very interesting past, she tried suicide last year and has been in jail several times for being conflictive. The woman is married with two little kids, that night of the accident she had a fight with her husband and got drunk, then she got into her car to clear up her mind. She didn't know she was not coming home that night.

Thinking in retrospective about the accident, we were really lucky we are still at home and talking to our loved ones. If it wasn't for that pole that stopped us and that truck that stopped on time, God only knows what could have happened to us.

As for that woman? She'll get her punishment.

"Divine Justice"

Happy Thursday Everyone!

Saturday, March 11, 2006

Dentists and other Crap!

I wish I was a shark sometimes...

I've been eating too many sweets for too long and seems like some of my baby tooth's don't want to come out just yet even after 20 years.

Last monday I felt something strange on one of my baby tooths (yes I still have baby tooths) and I was very very hessitant on going to the dentist to have it checked; now I've had a cavity for many years on that tooth and I never ever wanted to go to the dentists and have it filled, and really I was thinking that I would never have to go to the dentist unless all of my teeth would rot, broken and needed to be taken out of my mouth, otherwise I would not go.

But I'm such a coward when it comes to pains that even a little bit of weird feelings makes me want to rush to the doctor and see what's wrong even if sometimes is just gas buzzing my intestines.

Anyway, the little pain was bugging my tooth to the point I couldn't sleep, not because of the pain because the pain was almost invisible but because of the fear that I had to go to the dentist to have it checked. So the next day I dragged myself to the dentist and waited outside...and waited...and waited...and waited some more, it was already open but I just didn't want to go in; dammit, they were going to put needles on me!! that's too friggin' scary. But I was already there so I thought what the heck, it will probably be just my scared self and it wouldn't be so bad.

Well I was wrong!!!!

Damn dentist, she put a huge needle inside my mouth and I felt she was poking my brain with it, it hurt like hell even though she put a thingy that makes my skin numb at first, I don't care, I wanted to run away, I even warned the dentist if she hurt me I would kick her ass right there and then, so she took it slow, so slow she took an hour and a half filling that tooth and I didn't see the end of it!!!

Ooh the pain!! not the tooth ache, actually half of my face was totally numb but my jaw, it felt it would dittach from my skull from all the time that was open. Then it would only happen to me, I was so nervous and shaking so much the little suction thingy moved around my mouth and the little water hose moved over to my throat...

I was choking!!! and that dentist didn't know until I turned purple, she scared and apoligized, the suction thingy was not on so all the water coming out of the little hose was getting directly to my throat. So while she was putting that suction thingy back on I swallowed my own cavity, tooth dust and funny tasting water. WTF!!??

I know she wanted to kill me, I didn't let her to her job right, but I was paying her to do it dammit! and with that still she wants to kill me? Oh no no no no.


And still she tells me the rest of my fillings are old, so old they need new fillings, me with my numb face and inflamated cheek and bad burnt tooth smell said NO, I'm not coming back next week, are you kidding me? I may come back when my tooth are roth, broken and probably might think of tooth extraction,

No more fillings for me thank you.

Happy Saturday Everyone!!