Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Termination?

Almost…

Last night was the IT of all ITS! But to be brave I had to drink a full glass of alcoholic egg nog that was hiding around in my kitchen cabinets.

We had dinner, I all drunk and stupid was eating like an idiot while listening to BF telling me about how a 50 year old woman was hitting on him and basically wanted to rape him.

Anyway, after he finished telling his tragical drama/comedy I…began to speak! So actually all I said to him was “I” because I couldn’t say more, I was already crying like a Daisy and I didn’t even say the first word and stopped; BF was wondering what the hell was wrong with me besides being drunk; so after weeping my eyes out I finished the “I…think we should stop seeing each other”.

Yes finally I said it, BF was not expecting it, or maybe he was, he’s been asking me what’s wrong with me since Christmas eve and I have answered “Nothing, now leave me alone” all the time, so maybe that’s why he didn’t look so surprised.

BF asked me why did I say that, so I just spit out everything, yup just how I felt he treated me, I didn’t know what he was doing with me if he didn’t care, so I told him I knew he was just taking advantage of me, otherwise what other reason would there be to be with me.

After listening, BF calmly told me he would do what ever I wanted to do, if I didn’t want to see him again he would accept it but he thought I was not being fair because he really didn’t feel that way, and he was not taking advantage of me; so I asked him why then? He didn’t want to tell me at fist, he just told me “I am with you because of many reasons I am not going to tell you, I don’t want to tell you” So I had to force him by telling him that was BS, he was lying that I was right, he was really taking advantage of me.

Then he had no other choice and told me the reason, while his voice was breaking and turned his eyes away from me and put his hands on his face so I couldn’t see him; while covering his face he told me I was the only woman he knew that could understand him, that was able to talk freely without any arguments, that he felt my support all the time and he never felt that before, that I was the smartest girl he had ever met and the only one that has treated him good in all his life.

If he was acting, he’s good! If he wasn’t then why did he keep all of those things to himself and never told me that?

Anyway, still I had the decision of terminating the relatinship, although it’s very hard for me I wanted to make it easy on both of us, especially me and I offered him to keep seeing in each other but the only thing that would change is that him and I were not going to be exclusive anymore, that way both of us could give ourselves the chance to meet other people seriously without hurting each other.

He didn’t agree with it, he said if we’re going to be together we are going to be together, I don’t like it any other way, but he had to accept it, him and I have different targets in life; my target in life is to find someone that I can share my life with and all my life’s goals would be with that person beside me and be happy. His target in life, buy a house, make a business and maybe someday have a serious relationship or even marry but he hardly doubts it.

I’m sorry to hear that I told him but that’s the way things are. He asked me if I was going to have sex with other men because if I was he was not going to be with me.

Of course I told him no, but of course I AM LYING!!

What am I stupid?

Happy Wednesday Everyone!

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