Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Wednesday Hump!

Aahhhh headache….

Went to a company dinner last night; I was not in the mood to go, I was depressed and wanted to sleep to forget my depression, but I had to, it was a company yearly dinner for our department. So to keep my mind away from the world I drank 3 sangrias straight one after another, man, did they hit me hard; I didn’t eat anything since breakfast at 9 am so when dinner time came at 7 with 2 sangrias on an empty stomach I was ready to screw the guy on the next table.

Fortunately there was no guy on the next table otherwise I would have made a bad impression infront of the general manager. Anyway, I was out of there by 8 pm and I was drunk but able to drive back home, but I was inhibited and it was good for me to confront BF.

I came home and he hugged me asking me if I missed him, as usual I said NO, his smile was erased from his face as always, then I looked at him in the eyes and asked him.

Me: Do you love me?

BF: what do you think?

Me: I don’t care what I think just answer me, do you love me?

BF: Of course I love you, I love you too much, why do you say that, are you drunk?

Me: Well I think you don’t love me, I think you appreciate me that’s all

BF: OMG you’re drunk

Me: If you loved me you would make me happy; you would give me what I need!

BF: I told you already I can’t

Me: I know that, so don’t tell me you love me, you don’t know what love is anyway

BF: Of course I do, and I think you and I are meant to be

Me: Well I don’t think the same, you have your goals and I have mine, mine are to make me a family, I need my family and you can’t give it to me!

BF: I know I can’t, what do you want me to do for you so you can be happy?

Me: I already told you what I want, you can’t and you don’t want to give it to me, so I need to start looking somewhere else.

BF: Are you kicking me out of the house?

Me: I don’t want to kick you out of the house, I love you and it hurts me but you are giving me no other choice.

After that everything is a blur, I think I fell asleep from the commotion, the next thing I remember is I woke up crying, I had a horrible dream, I dreamt BF was cheating on me with the girl next door and I was yelling at him and hitting him and making a big scene infront of everybody; the alarm buzzed and I see BF’s side of the bed is empty, so I thought the dream was true, I didn’t want to get out of bed, I wanted to sleep more and never wake up, but I needed to pee so I had to go to the bathroom, and there he was, shaving and getting ready to go to work, he said good morning to me and I was still shaking from the bad dream I woke up from, he took me in his arms and whispered to me “why don’t you wish me a good morning my baby?”, and I replied “I’m still sleepy and my head hurts”.

And then I realized the effects of alcohol were fading away and with that my courage from last night; I was back to my old self again.

Crap!

Happy Wednesday Everyone!

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