Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Who’s got some Trojan?

And I’m not talking about the condoms…

I was browsing around the internet like every Friday night I do because I have nothing else to do thanks to the man called BF (yeah thanks BF) and I couldn’t help to check around the forbidden areas, the dark and horny side of hardcore XXX pages. I was worried but then I remembered I have my updated Norton anti virus protection and my Spy Sweeper up to date so I said “Oooh what the heck, click it woman, click, click, click” Besides, I was alone and nobody was going to catch me right?

And after 30 minutes of looking at these, what you call it, unbelievable pictures and at my amusement I completely forgot the atrocity I was doing. So after clicking and clicking around from one page to another until I had around 50 windows on my taskbar, I click one more page and a huge red circle with a huge ass X and a beep warns me I have a Trojan virus on my pc.

Oh I freaked out, how could that be if this friggin’ antivirus protection thingy is supposed to kill it, it did kill it right? Oh hell yes it did, It must have, oh god, oh god, oh god, bad Yoli, bad Yoli, what should I do now? I close all those trizillion windows that were open until the desktop was clean and I found like 5 more circles with 5 more worm alerts in it. Aaahh! I wanted to throw my PC to the garbage, it was dirty I tell ya!

I ran my virus scan, I ran my spyware protection and nothing, my pc was clean of viruses, oh what a relief, these two little catchers did catch all those bugs. Eow! But what if there was a bug that the anti virus didn’t see and passed through, Oh mami, please help me, I promise I’ll never do it again.

I really felt like I was doing something really bad, like a 5 year old kid browsing around the porn channels in the middle of the night and my mother catched me doing it. So ridiculous because pfft! An old woman like me can do what ever the hells she wants right? And if I got myself some virus on my PC is because I have not had good sex since…since…since…ok now let me count the time here…BF left around February… no wait, was it March?…Aw screw that crap! I haven’t had any since in a long time now and I was horny, H.O.R.N.Y! There I said it.

Of course, I deleted everything that looked suspicious, even some txt files that I don’t know if they belonged to any of the original programs or not I just pushed Delete on anything.

The next day I want to log into the internet again to do some real work, but not to see more porn, oh no I’m not going to those pages anymore, they have viruses and worms and all those creepy little things I tell ya! And I find out I don’t have access to the internet anymore.

SUPER CRAP!

What the hell did I do? Did I delete something I was not supposed to delete? Did the Trojan blocked me? WTF!!?? I freaked, oh yes I freaked, oh my, oh my, the worm is still there I know it! Die you filthy beast! Diieeeeeee.

And after trying for more than 3 hours finding out what the hell was wrong with my PC because I had connection, oh yes I had connection I could see the kbs flowing like little fishies like nothing ever happened but I could not open one damn page dammit! I gave up and asked my dad to take it to a technician to take a look at it, of course my dad asked me what was I looked at and of course I was not going to tell him I was browsing some porn sites. I told him I was reading the history of medieval women.

And to make a short story shorter my computer had nothing but an internet configuration problem, why? I don’t know but the technician assured me it had nothing to do with the Trojan because the Trojan never went through.

Oh what a relief.

So after confessing myself to you, good to know I don’t know any of your faces or know you personally (thank god) I can tell you I was horny, oh my god I’m horny dammit!

I blame BF for getting me a computer virus, shame on you BF, see what you make me do?

Happy Tuesday Everyone!

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