Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Masterpiece Liarther!

It needs a master to do the art…

I really had nothing to post today, oh yeah by the way Happy 4th of July my American Neighbors, hope the fun was as good as it sound like. I could hear all the fire crackers and fire works all the way to my cage, and it kinda smelled like burned beans.

Anyhoo. As I was saying; I thought I had nothing to post but I do. I have learned I am a master at lying, anything you need to get out of any kind of troubles just ask me, I’ll get you out of it in no time.

I’ve become so good at this even my dad asks me for ideas when he wants to get out of something he got into.

Yesterday was my last lie, and I know it won’t be the last. BF said to me on Friday he would have Monday the 4th off, at the last minute I could not ask my boss to give me the day to rest as a vacation, I was sure he would not give it to me, so I decided to take myself the day.

Monday morning I called my boss saying my car broke down in the middle of the road on my way to work and I was waiting for the tow truck to pick it and send it to the mechanic shop. I called in several times updating the status of my car while I was actually having a good breakfast and staying at home with BF while he was fixing his own car with a tune up.

This morning as expected, I got a bunch of questions from drama queen who was the only one that didn’t believe me my car broke down, so she came up with tricky questions like:

DQ: What did really happen? I don’t think your car broke down, I think you went with your BF someplace.

Me: Of course not, BF has two jobs and he didn’t have rest, my car really broke down.

DQ: Oh really, and what did happen to it?

Me: The gas pump burned, the alternator and the belt broke and they found a short. My turn turned off in the midle of the road.

DQ: And how much did you spend?

Me: about 250 bucks

DQ: that’s too cheap

Me: I know, it would have cost me twice the price if I didn’t buy the parts myself.

DQ: Oh

30 minutes later she sent one of the Engineers to ask me the same questions (she’s so stupid); this engineer knows about mechanic stuff, I know he does and I knew he would ask me something technical (thank god I’m a girl) so I got out by saying “I don’t know, I just know it broke down and they told me what to buy”.

A couple of years ago, when I was looking for a job and applying for this current one where they had me coming and going in and out of an interview more than 5 times and some had to be the whole day because they sent me to San Marcos, Ca where the corporate offices were I couldn’t call myself sick, what else could I do? So I came up with a bizarre story. I said one of my cousin’s friend had died in a mysterious situation and he was living alone in the city with no family, as he had nobody that wanted to identify the body there was only me who could do it and I would be called several times by the AFI to testify about my relation with the guy and who else I knew within the circle of friends. So to avoid questions I came up with the details of the story:

I went to identify the body, I only knew he had a small scar on his right brow and small tattoo on his left shoulder of a yin-yang. How did the guy looked like? Oh he looked terrible, he was between gray and blue, his eyes were all the way to the back so I could only see white, as he had several days dead he was bloated, the place smelled like frozen meat with chloroform; it was shocking. Now I have to go back to the Police Department to give a declaration as I saw him just a few days back, also give some names and answer some questions as the investigation goes by. For what I heard the guy was poisoned so probably his ex girlfriend might have killed him but I really didn’t want to know more because I don’t want to get involved with it. Oh, why was I the only one to identify him? Well because he had no family, his father and mother died when he was 18 and was an only child, so there wasn’t anybody to notify about his death. My cousin and his friends were very young and they were scared to go and see a “dead guy” so they asked me for that favor besides I was the only person old enough to go there and identify him.

I don’t know if the people who I told the story to was too naïve or my story was too good to interrupt. In any way, they couldn’t say anything to.

Now I am thinking of the next one, the one I can hardly get out of, the summer picnic, I don’t want to go, but I should, so I’m planning to go only 1 hour and 15 minutes exactly; what am I going to say? Probably there’s this birthday party, or that my parents are getting married again, or maybe I will have a flat tired, or my BF’s summer picnic is the same day as mine and I have to split in two, or I’ll have to camouflage good and know about the details later because as soon as I walk by and say hello to the Mgrs I might want to go to the WC and escape through one of those little windows.

Oh hell yes I was on the picnic, didn’t you see me? I was there, with Drama queen and the rest of the people passing the quesadillas, but after lunch I think the guacamole didn’t do me any good because I went to the WC and didn’t move from there after.

Uh, that one sounds good, I’ll have to think of the rest, otherwise I’ll have to dress up as a coconut while the Hawaiian dressed up Mexicans laugh at me when I’m reading my book and a huge sign reading “I’m just here because my boss told me to, not because I want to”

Damn I have to buy construction paper for that, oh and huge colored markers, maybe even a piece of wood so I don’t get tired holding the damn sign.

Oh well…

Happy Tuesday Everyone!

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