Because this one is loooong...
So yesterday I was all ready to go to the gym and loose some calories when I see the white cirrus parked in my garage. Dammit! What the hell? He's not supposed to be here today, he was here tuesday, he can't be here two days in the same week, oh hell no now.
So I get in the house and I see BF with a huge smile on his face. "Heelllooooooo" says he with a flirty voice laying on the bed (he's wearing no pants). One of two things, either the man is horny as hell or he's having troubles back at his house but hell he does not miss me or love me this much. Hell no!
Anyway, as I reach to him to say hello I see this plastic flower puff ball or what ever colored red thing was on top of my pillow "what the hell is this??" holding the abomination of "thing"; while BF still with this huge smile on his face replies "It's a pen with the shape of a flower, I saw it at the bank today and I thought of you, it cost me 1 dollar".
I don't know which I preffer, the frozen old roses with holes in the petals he buy's me at a corner or that thing he got me for a buck. In any way the intention counts, I took it to the office this morning so everybody would make jokes about it.
But that's not all; later we're talking about how my dad loves him to death and BF compliments himself with "I know I'm good and I have good character but I must have something bad right? Tell me what is wrong with me so I can change it". (Well for a start you don't commit you twat and you put your abnoxious family over the woman who does your dirty laundry and gets you out of trouble thank you) So I said to him "Well, there are things that people look at you and believe are wrong but you will see you're right, so there's no point on going to that issue is there?".
And to close with a golden nut, before going to bed BF gave me this interesting cathedratic speech about intestinal gases:
BF: ...There's nothing wrong with releasing a gas, just let it flow with nature, never hold it, gases are bad for your intestines. Did you know if you stay in a room with no ventilation and someone farts too much in there you could choke to death?
Me: What are you talking about? Go to sleep.
BF: I'm serious, did you know intestinal gases are poisonous? Once you breath it in it won't get out of your lungs because of the lack of O2. You know the sewage pipes when the gases accumulate they can create...blah...blah..blah.
Me: If I ever hear you dropping one of your lethal gases on my bed in my presence you're out of this house. Now go to sleep.
At that point I had enough information for a seminar about human gases.
Happy Friday Everyone!