Friday, July 29, 2005

It's Friday, It's late but It's Quick!

Aw, this is life...

Did nothing but play around with a bunch of little numbers, we're closing month but I'm pre-closing month, aren't I smart..bwah!

Again I'm being tempted to search around the web for more porn, I need pooorrrnnnnnn. No Yol! stop it already.

Ok, so now I'm searching aroun in my Hi5 list...why haven't anybody sent me any testimonials?? Am I that geeky? Oh Crap!

While checking out my hi5 friends I saw my lil cousin, oh she gots lots of men after her WTF! Once I was told she was looking alot like me, I didn't believe that, well I just saw some pictures of her, she's 18 now, dammit, she could possibly pass by as my lil sister, her sister my other cousin is a blondie with green eyes, the lil one is a brunette, just like moi, my sister is as white as a wax candle with golden hair...Something is fishy in this family!

Hmm! I don't know if I should be proud or not, I thought I was unique in my kind, now I know I'm not. That sucks!

Dum...Dum...Dum...uh...boo sent me a pornsite..noooooooo, I ...should not...look....at....pooooooorrrnnnnnn!

Alright, I'm heading to bed.

Oh yeah, thanks to my friend Noemi, who just introduced me to Hentai, which is a porn comic kinda thing, Steph will know better than me how to call those, now I am addicted dammit.

Happy Horny Friday Everyone!

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

The Hot Hump Wednesday I call...Humpday!

Why do I feel here like I belong to the Italian Mafia?....

Fridays are the days when everybody eats lunch outside the company. Nutter Industries is no exception, except that if we want to go eat lunch outside we should all be going together, I mean, all, like everybody who works here like a big ole family (crap) going to eat and be happy, even if you’re not, you’re supposed to pretend (smile dammit!) and if you don’t socialize and play around by the family rules you’re dead meat.

So last Friday a girl in my company asks me if I want to go out for lunch, to my amusement and surprise I said yes, we agreed to go to a sushi restaurant. I didn’t know HR Beyotch was planning a sushi lunch day out with the rest of the losers at Nutter Ind. That meant a black storm was coming. As few of you know I have issues with HR Beyotch, actually I just changed her nick after looking at her Hoochie Mamma shoes, so now she’ll be called the HR Hoochie or HRHM alright?

Well, as I was saying, I have issues with the HR Hoochie Mamma because long time ago I didn’t want to sit down at her table at lunch time (what ever) so whenever there’s a HR Hoochie Mamma and Yoli on the side there’s some gossip going on. So, this girl calls me up and says HRHM is inviting the losers to the same Sushi place, to what I reply “no problem I’m just not sitting at their table”. (Air inhalation please…thank you).

We get to the sushi place ahead of everybody and straight upstairs we went to have our quiet lunch, when the losers showed up and wanted to sit where we were “hold it, this is not your table people move it!” I said.

When we finished we had to walk by losers and the lunch coordinator aka HRHM (ha!)

Oh they ate me…alive!

By Monday the incident passed through every ear in the company through the Old Fart.

Gulp!

Though he didn’t tell me anything he was sure angry because I didn’t eat with the rest of the family. What am I member of “La Cosa Nostra”?

WTF!!

I think I just earned myself a 0% evaluation for next year. Ha!... Like I really care about that crap anyway.

Happy Wednesday Everyone!

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Who’s got some Trojan?

And I’m not talking about the condoms…

I was browsing around the internet like every Friday night I do because I have nothing else to do thanks to the man called BF (yeah thanks BF) and I couldn’t help to check around the forbidden areas, the dark and horny side of hardcore XXX pages. I was worried but then I remembered I have my updated Norton anti virus protection and my Spy Sweeper up to date so I said “Oooh what the heck, click it woman, click, click, click” Besides, I was alone and nobody was going to catch me right?

And after 30 minutes of looking at these, what you call it, unbelievable pictures and at my amusement I completely forgot the atrocity I was doing. So after clicking and clicking around from one page to another until I had around 50 windows on my taskbar, I click one more page and a huge red circle with a huge ass X and a beep warns me I have a Trojan virus on my pc.

Oh I freaked out, how could that be if this friggin’ antivirus protection thingy is supposed to kill it, it did kill it right? Oh hell yes it did, It must have, oh god, oh god, oh god, bad Yoli, bad Yoli, what should I do now? I close all those trizillion windows that were open until the desktop was clean and I found like 5 more circles with 5 more worm alerts in it. Aaahh! I wanted to throw my PC to the garbage, it was dirty I tell ya!

I ran my virus scan, I ran my spyware protection and nothing, my pc was clean of viruses, oh what a relief, these two little catchers did catch all those bugs. Eow! But what if there was a bug that the anti virus didn’t see and passed through, Oh mami, please help me, I promise I’ll never do it again.

I really felt like I was doing something really bad, like a 5 year old kid browsing around the porn channels in the middle of the night and my mother catched me doing it. So ridiculous because pfft! An old woman like me can do what ever the hells she wants right? And if I got myself some virus on my PC is because I have not had good sex since…since…since…ok now let me count the time here…BF left around February… no wait, was it March?…Aw screw that crap! I haven’t had any since in a long time now and I was horny, H.O.R.N.Y! There I said it.

Of course, I deleted everything that looked suspicious, even some txt files that I don’t know if they belonged to any of the original programs or not I just pushed Delete on anything.

The next day I want to log into the internet again to do some real work, but not to see more porn, oh no I’m not going to those pages anymore, they have viruses and worms and all those creepy little things I tell ya! And I find out I don’t have access to the internet anymore.

SUPER CRAP!

What the hell did I do? Did I delete something I was not supposed to delete? Did the Trojan blocked me? WTF!!?? I freaked, oh yes I freaked, oh my, oh my, the worm is still there I know it! Die you filthy beast! Diieeeeeee.

And after trying for more than 3 hours finding out what the hell was wrong with my PC because I had connection, oh yes I had connection I could see the kbs flowing like little fishies like nothing ever happened but I could not open one damn page dammit! I gave up and asked my dad to take it to a technician to take a look at it, of course my dad asked me what was I looked at and of course I was not going to tell him I was browsing some porn sites. I told him I was reading the history of medieval women.

And to make a short story shorter my computer had nothing but an internet configuration problem, why? I don’t know but the technician assured me it had nothing to do with the Trojan because the Trojan never went through.

Oh what a relief.

So after confessing myself to you, good to know I don’t know any of your faces or know you personally (thank god) I can tell you I was horny, oh my god I’m horny dammit!

I blame BF for getting me a computer virus, shame on you BF, see what you make me do?

Happy Tuesday Everyone!

Friday, July 22, 2005

The Quickie I’ve Been Waiting For!

Friday…hurrah!

Ah finally it’s Friday, oh yes, yes, yes, what to do? What to do with all this free time??

Oh yes:

#1 Clean up house, it’s just a must, it smells like eggs… don’t ask

#2 Go to a yunk yard and buy me that mirror I broke…I’m so dumb

#3 Wait for the plummer to fix the water pump that broke god knows when and the water stinks…like rotten eggs.

#4 Need to go to Costco (again) and buy some special fruit juice for BF that he so loves must I say so much. Why didn’t he tell me that last week? That way I didn’t have to go there twice…crap!

#5 Hope there is no #5

Guess there’s no way of going to the beach this weekend huh?

Happy Friday Everyone!

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

What a Bump!

Aw crap...

Haven't had time to blog, haven't had time for anything lately. I must apologize to my one or two followers that read my crap every day but this is what I've done in the last few days.

#1 Got my evaluation last friday and let me tell you that "old fart" aka as my boss is an ass, not because he gave me a 7.5892% increase (couldn't he just round it to 8%) but because he called me a "Secretary" and my projects for 2006 are not changing, I'll still be a friggin' "Secretary". WTF!?!?!?!

Screw that crap I'm quitting this joint!

#2 Finally I got my tires changed, bad thing is every time BF takes my car to do something to it my car comes back with something else broken, like a huge ass bump on the hood.

He's soooo paying for that!...Crap!

#3 Getting back to #1, someone wants to take my job away from me and I am NOT going to let them get away with that oh hell no. I am teaching myself how to work with MS Access and if that means knocking the hell out of me then I'll knock the hell out of me oh hell yes I will. But I am not taking any Access courses; courses are for loosers.

Screw that Access crap!

Happy Wednesday Everyone!

P.S. Crap!

Friday, July 15, 2005

Friday Super Mega Dooper Quickie!

Maracaaaaaas....

So I banged the damn keyboard over the desk and the damn staple is out now, but the damn "E" key is still making noises of maracas and it's still getting stuck. WTF with this keyboard?!?!?!

AAgghhh!!!

I demand a new keyboard...and while we're at it a flat screen monitor...and while we're at it a cubicle for myself, I'm tired of this damn desk.

Did I just made a record for saying the word "damn" so many times now?

Damn, I must be pissed.

Damn Keyboard...damn "E"...stop it!

Happy Friday Everyone!

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

The Wednesday Humps!

I have Maracas….

I can’t believe the week is not over yet, it’s eternal pain right now people, I mean really. Not only have I had several bad days with boss since last Monday but…but, just yesterday morning when I was pulling out of my garage I broke my right side mirror. Oh now how can someone be so stupid to break its own mirror? Well that’s just me of course. Plus I need the change the tires in my car because I am just waiting for the second where my 4 tires will go “boom”. Plus now I have to fill out a vacation permit for the 4th of July I took for a day off. Oh my Gwaad, damn H.R. Beyotch is making my life miserable, hope she toasts while she’s laying on the beach. Oh because now the new policy for the H.R. Beyotch is that she can have a week vacation even though she’s been working for Nutter Industries for about let’s see 6 months now? WTF.

Anyhoo, back to me. I’m right now in the middle of the end of the month and papers are flying here and there, I can’t type correctly because a staple is stuck somewhere between the keyboard and now the “E” keeps getting stuck and I keep shaking the keyboard and it just sounds like maracas but nothing comes out.

Damn Staple!

Happy Wednesday Everyone!

**Update**

Aaaaawww...Now Jay is leaving too? Dammit!

Alright, one more empty spot to fill...who's got some good links?

Monday, July 11, 2005

Speaking of Eternal Debts!

Jezzuuss…

I just got off from paying my laptop to BF when BF just offered my dad to buy him a new computer with his credit card and my dad would give him a small amount each month. That’s too sweet of him of course, what kind of son I law would do such a thing for his inlaws. Well, just this one for what I know because I don’t consider BF as a son in law for my parents although my parents think that’s the man I will “marry”…sure!

So, now I have this big commitment to act nice with BF all this time while my father finishes up his debt with BF which will be in about a year or more (God help me); also I have to carry with the remorse of not being able to date anybody or at least flirt around with any guy because my father now is “certain” BF is the right man for me because he is the most generous man he has ever met in his 62 years of life.

Thank you very much I may now hang myself from the tallest tree there is in this city.

Changing the subject to a pathetic one. Boss called me this morning and told me “I want you to clean up my desk because it’s a mess (if you don’t tell me I don’t notice), so I’m going to clear up these two drawers here so you can use hanging folders and make me a file ok?” Sure that’s not a problem, it’s not like it’s a whole lot of mess is it?

Well he called me again 20 minutes later and said to me “Ok, I have cleared up the drawers I told you so you can come now and clean up my things”

Pft! Yeah right! I’m coming right now and leave all the stuff I need to do before I leave so I can go to your office and clean up your shit. Oh, right! Suuuure in his dirty dreams I will.

And like my friend Noemi told me “What the…he’s an old fart”

So now Drama Queen came to my desk and told me boss is very pissed, and feels untouchable today, dammit, that’s not a good sign, with all of that I am going to his office and tell this old fart I’m not making his files until Saturday, and that’s final, and that should be considered as a payment from the 4th of July I got off.

Oh hell yes, I’m not in a good mood either.

Happy Monday Everyone!

Friday, July 08, 2005

The Late Late Friday Un-Quickiee!

Because this one is loooong...

So yesterday I was all ready to go to the gym and loose some calories when I see the white cirrus parked in my garage. Dammit! What the hell? He's not supposed to be here today, he was here tuesday, he can't be here two days in the same week, oh hell no now.

So I get in the house and I see BF with a huge smile on his face. "Heelllooooooo" says he with a flirty voice laying on the bed (he's wearing no pants). One of two things, either the man is horny as hell or he's having troubles back at his house but hell he does not miss me or love me this much. Hell no!

Anyway, as I reach to him to say hello I see this plastic flower puff ball or what ever colored red thing was on top of my pillow "what the hell is this??" holding the abomination of "thing"; while BF still with this huge smile on his face replies "It's a pen with the shape of a flower, I saw it at the bank today and I thought of you, it cost me 1 dollar".

Thanks??!

WTF

I don't know which I preffer, the frozen old roses with holes in the petals he buy's me at a corner or that thing he got me for a buck. In any way the intention counts, I took it to the office this morning so everybody would make jokes about it.

But that's not all; later we're talking about how my dad loves him to death and BF compliments himself with "I know I'm good and I have good character but I must have something bad right? Tell me what is wrong with me so I can change it". (Well for a start you don't commit you twat and you put your abnoxious family over the woman who does your dirty laundry and gets you out of trouble thank you) So I said to him "Well, there are things that people look at you and believe are wrong but you will see you're right, so there's no point on going to that issue is there?".

And to close with a golden nut, before going to bed BF gave me this interesting cathedratic speech about intestinal gases:

BF: ...There's nothing wrong with releasing a gas, just let it flow with nature, never hold it, gases are bad for your intestines. Did you know if you stay in a room with no ventilation and someone farts too much in there you could choke to death?

Me: What are you talking about? Go to sleep.

BF: I'm serious, did you know intestinal gases are poisonous? Once you breath it in it won't get out of your lungs because of the lack of O2. You know the sewage pipes when the gases accumulate they can create...blah...blah..blah.

Me: If I ever hear you dropping one of your lethal gases on my bed in my presence you're out of this house. Now go to sleep.

At that point I had enough information for a seminar about human gases.

Happy Friday Everyone!

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Cleaning Day!

Today I'm cleaning up my linkies...

That's right kids, I haven't updated my links properly so I just ran into each and every one of you today (not because I wanted to but because I had to choose between checking my new production build plan with lots and lots of numbers or blogging around in procrastination) and see who I still like and who I just don't care about anymore. So while checking out the new stuff or the old, what ever. I have replaced 5 old blogs and added 5 new blogs to which I'll list below my speech, and I must clarify that for you to be on my link list you must be really entertaining, and I mean really, so if you see yourself linked to my blog you should be considered as a lucky blogger. I would never choose to publish any crappy blog, hell if that was the case I would rather sleep over my keyboard and wait till is time to go home instead of searching vigorously for almost 2 hours for very good blogs.

So with this I present to you my new links:

- So This is Life? ( About a mother with children...ok)

- 100 Reasons Why I Hate My Husband (I find this one quite handy, no need to give introductions)

- Shu's Tales (This guy, is a good and twisted story teller )

- Alanna Land (Sweet)

- Anatomy of a Part-Time Cynic (I think she's my lost twin)

I hope you have a chance to give it a try, the gender is quite colorful so feel free to browse, they are linked on my list to the right.

Happy Thursday Everyone!

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Wednesday Humpy!

One potato…two potato….three potato…Fouuuur!

#1 WTF is wrong with this company? Yesterday I had to send a document to a guy who forgot it at the security gate, we all know every company should have a carrier account, hey maybe a FeDex or a UPS or DHL or what ever so you don’t have to go through all that trouble of licking a stamp and licking an envelope and drive all the way to a post box. Ooohh no, here we don’t have such thing as a carrier, here we have to lick those damn stamps and lick those damn envelopes and drive all the way to the post box to send the damn document. Why if there are electronic toilets and a state of the art surveillance system we don’t have a carrier account? This is ridiculous.

#2 WTF is wrong with BF lately? Did some weird fly bite him? He’s been acting all mushy and crap, I don’t think he’s BF anymore; the food in US must be changing him (see what happens when eating too many burgers and fries? People change). Two days ago he told me while driving around that he said to his friend he wanted to go to TJ and see his girlfriend and then had to drive all the way back to the states for his second job, the friend said to him “You’re damn crazy?? You want to go to TJ then drive back the same day?” BF answered “OF course, I miss my girlfriend, I don’t see her much anymore and I love her”. AMAZING what living apart can do to a relationship.

#3 WTF with those Mexican stamps? Ha! I laugh at that, yes yes I laugh at it, if you go to the Mexican ebay those little postal stamps with the African character “Memin Pinguin” are selling in 50 bucks each! Take that Jessie Jackson and all his committee for trying to remove them from the market because they’re an offence to the African people. Ha! In your face! Ha…Ha…Ha! Oh and did I mention they’re re-releasing the comic strips since Volume one all over again? These are going to sell like hot pan cakes…In Yoouuurr facceeee!

#4 WTF is wrong with Society??!! Yesterday I was talking to this guy who works in payroll and he just told me how much he hates HR beyotch. Right at lunch time I see them eating together and laughing as if they were the best of friends ever, I could have swore HR beyotch was feeding payroll guy with her own fork. That’s too disgusting for me.

Stay away from me hideous freaks of nature!

Happy Wednesday Everyone!

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Masterpiece Liarther!

It needs a master to do the art…

I really had nothing to post today, oh yeah by the way Happy 4th of July my American Neighbors, hope the fun was as good as it sound like. I could hear all the fire crackers and fire works all the way to my cage, and it kinda smelled like burned beans.

Anyhoo. As I was saying; I thought I had nothing to post but I do. I have learned I am a master at lying, anything you need to get out of any kind of troubles just ask me, I’ll get you out of it in no time.

I’ve become so good at this even my dad asks me for ideas when he wants to get out of something he got into.

Yesterday was my last lie, and I know it won’t be the last. BF said to me on Friday he would have Monday the 4th off, at the last minute I could not ask my boss to give me the day to rest as a vacation, I was sure he would not give it to me, so I decided to take myself the day.

Monday morning I called my boss saying my car broke down in the middle of the road on my way to work and I was waiting for the tow truck to pick it and send it to the mechanic shop. I called in several times updating the status of my car while I was actually having a good breakfast and staying at home with BF while he was fixing his own car with a tune up.

This morning as expected, I got a bunch of questions from drama queen who was the only one that didn’t believe me my car broke down, so she came up with tricky questions like:

DQ: What did really happen? I don’t think your car broke down, I think you went with your BF someplace.

Me: Of course not, BF has two jobs and he didn’t have rest, my car really broke down.

DQ: Oh really, and what did happen to it?

Me: The gas pump burned, the alternator and the belt broke and they found a short. My turn turned off in the midle of the road.

DQ: And how much did you spend?

Me: about 250 bucks

DQ: that’s too cheap

Me: I know, it would have cost me twice the price if I didn’t buy the parts myself.

DQ: Oh

30 minutes later she sent one of the Engineers to ask me the same questions (she’s so stupid); this engineer knows about mechanic stuff, I know he does and I knew he would ask me something technical (thank god I’m a girl) so I got out by saying “I don’t know, I just know it broke down and they told me what to buy”.

A couple of years ago, when I was looking for a job and applying for this current one where they had me coming and going in and out of an interview more than 5 times and some had to be the whole day because they sent me to San Marcos, Ca where the corporate offices were I couldn’t call myself sick, what else could I do? So I came up with a bizarre story. I said one of my cousin’s friend had died in a mysterious situation and he was living alone in the city with no family, as he had nobody that wanted to identify the body there was only me who could do it and I would be called several times by the AFI to testify about my relation with the guy and who else I knew within the circle of friends. So to avoid questions I came up with the details of the story:

I went to identify the body, I only knew he had a small scar on his right brow and small tattoo on his left shoulder of a yin-yang. How did the guy looked like? Oh he looked terrible, he was between gray and blue, his eyes were all the way to the back so I could only see white, as he had several days dead he was bloated, the place smelled like frozen meat with chloroform; it was shocking. Now I have to go back to the Police Department to give a declaration as I saw him just a few days back, also give some names and answer some questions as the investigation goes by. For what I heard the guy was poisoned so probably his ex girlfriend might have killed him but I really didn’t want to know more because I don’t want to get involved with it. Oh, why was I the only one to identify him? Well because he had no family, his father and mother died when he was 18 and was an only child, so there wasn’t anybody to notify about his death. My cousin and his friends were very young and they were scared to go and see a “dead guy” so they asked me for that favor besides I was the only person old enough to go there and identify him.

I don’t know if the people who I told the story to was too naïve or my story was too good to interrupt. In any way, they couldn’t say anything to.

Now I am thinking of the next one, the one I can hardly get out of, the summer picnic, I don’t want to go, but I should, so I’m planning to go only 1 hour and 15 minutes exactly; what am I going to say? Probably there’s this birthday party, or that my parents are getting married again, or maybe I will have a flat tired, or my BF’s summer picnic is the same day as mine and I have to split in two, or I’ll have to camouflage good and know about the details later because as soon as I walk by and say hello to the Mgrs I might want to go to the WC and escape through one of those little windows.

Oh hell yes I was on the picnic, didn’t you see me? I was there, with Drama queen and the rest of the people passing the quesadillas, but after lunch I think the guacamole didn’t do me any good because I went to the WC and didn’t move from there after.

Uh, that one sounds good, I’ll have to think of the rest, otherwise I’ll have to dress up as a coconut while the Hawaiian dressed up Mexicans laugh at me when I’m reading my book and a huge sign reading “I’m just here because my boss told me to, not because I want to”

Damn I have to buy construction paper for that, oh and huge colored markers, maybe even a piece of wood so I don’t get tired holding the damn sign.

Oh well…

Happy Tuesday Everyone!