Friday, May 20, 2005

Too Good to be True Part II

It was January 16th…

I checked my mailbox as every night I would before our meeting and I saw the subject on his email “I’m sorry Yoli”, For a moment I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know if I should read it or not, I was desperate and I felt my heart pounding very fast, I knew there was something I would not like in that letter, but I had to read it, I had no other choice.

The letter begun with his usual greeting “Hello my sweet princess, my lovely angel, my shining star…I wish you are doing well as always.

You are wondering why I am writing such subject, believe me is so hard for me to explain to you what I am about to tell you, I cried so much last night and I couldn’t sleep thinking about our last chat and how our relationship has grown so fast, and I promised you I would be sincere with you with all my heart. It really hurts me so much because I know you will hate me for this and you will never want to talk to me ever again…Remember I told you in our first meeting that I am a single man with no life behind, well it is not true, you were right when you said to me you didn’t believe me, I am married and have two children but I feel as if I am no longer married to that woman as she broke all my life dreams immediately after our marriage, I have been separated from this marriage for over 5 years now, I stopped seeing my first child 6 months after he was born and the second one I never got to meet him, it is the most difficult and hardest thing I could ever say to any one because it is you Yoli, I lied to you, I stained our relationship with me hiding the truth from you, I am really sorry Yoli, please forgive me, please, I know I don’t deserve you, I don’t deserve you ever talking to me again but I am willing to accept it if that is your decision, but please let me explain everything to you at our meeting tonight, please give me the opportunity to clear up every doubt you have about me because I want to be clean with you, I want to win your heart, I want to start all over again”

At that time I didn’t notice tears were running down my eyes as I kept reading the letter, I could not believe how someone could lie so easily, I was so naïve, I felt anger, I felt hatred, I felt I wanted to kill anyone who stood infront of me, I wanted to kill him. It was the most hurtful feeling I’ve ever felt in my whole life and I felt so stupid to believe someone I didn’t even know in person, I felt I was being mocked, how could someone mock at someone else’s feelings like that? I could not understand, it was too much for me at that moment.

I didn’t show up at our regular time, I was too disappointed and too angry and too sad at the same time to show up to him and ask him why? Why did he do that to me? Why? Why was he so mean if I never did anything bad to him or anyone else? I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve this!

10 Minutes later the phone rang, it was 8:30 pm, I picked up the phone and it was him, he was still crying, he was apologizing to me, asking me to forgive him for being a bad man. I couldn’t answer to his pleed, I was crying so hard I couldn’t stop myself from crying so loudly my parents heard me and asked me what was wrong; I went up into my room and shut the door still with the phone on hand and his voice pleading for forgiveness.

The only word that could get out of my mind and my mouth was Why? Why did you do this to me? What did I do to you to deserve this?

To be continued….

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