Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Peak of Perfection!

That doesn’t exist in this world…

I don’t consider myself a perfectionist but a few of other psychoanalysis, personality and other psychological tests have proven I am a freaking perfectionist and I am hard to change it, but still I don’t consider myself a perfectionist, maybe I dig very deep into details but I am definitely not a perfectionist.

I’m so stuck into it that I get angry every 3.5 seconds of my life, even when I’m sleeping-that’s gotta suck!- so that’s why I can never get along with anybody, I must see what kind of defective mind that guy/girl has and if I don’t like anything in particular I cut everything through the root and the rest is history : “Remember this guy, you know, that used to bla bla bla?” Uh, no, who the hell is that? (am I clear?)

I’ve been in and out of relationships for a while now, not too long but enough to assure I rather be alone than being with somebody I am going to disapprove at the first itty bitty mistake he/she makes. In my life, I hardly make mistakes, and when I do I regret it pretty bad.

So the biggest mistake I’ve done over the years of my adulthood is self-neglect, I’ve neglected myself by not paying attention to my own needs. Oh do I regret it much, I regret it, a lot, so much I fell into depression the last weekend and felt my life so miserable and un-worthy of living, but not anymore.

Starting yesterday I’ve been loving me, pampering me, taking care of me and careless of the rest, sounds selfish? Not really, actually the self-neglect is a symptom most women suffer at their adulthood till the end of their lives, they think they are needed and are indispensable to others around them, so they forget about themselves and forget they have a life.

I’m an old fashioned girl, with old fashioned morals and old fashioned customs, although I don’t practice my beliefs I stick strictly to them and I am expecting the rest of the people around me to respond in the same manner (that’s why I get angry every 3.5 seconds).

Anyway, the amusement of having somebody beside me for over two years has struck my family entirely, as they thought no man could stand my expectations and stand my anger attacks, I really don’t know why they think that so if I don’t get that angry you know, just every 3.5 seconds; actually I am very tolerant when it comes to love relationships (unless he makes me really angry), I try to be understanding, and protective and careful with everything I do (as long as he does what he’s supposed to) so I don’t make them angry, but that’s what made me neglect who I am, who I really am, a psychopath of perfection.

Friday the bomb exploded, my perfection freak side bloomed like a beautiful mortal biochemical bomb, without anybody expecting it, not even BF, and sure enough it was a biochemical bomb, no noise, no explosions, no nothing, I was silent, very silent, so silent it was scarry; BF doesn’t know the consequences, he sure will know by time. Too bad I don’t care anymore.

Yoli is back with all the blooming greenfulness of herself!

Oh yes, I missed me, I missed me so much!

*singing*
I am so beautiful, to me,
Can’t I see? I am everything I hoped for…

Happy Un Perfect Green Tuesday Everyone!

5 comments:

Jamie said...

Hmm, self love. Always a good thing! Nobody pleases you like you do!

Hehehe...

Yoli said...

You're so damn right Jamie *big grin*

Steph said...

Dropped the ole Y-bomb, didya? Dang, I got scared just reading that post.

Pup said...

Wow.. angry every 3.5 sec., but can you cut that down to every 3 seconds?

Hehe.. Yoli's talking about self-love :)

Yoli said...

Steph,
Don't be scared, just don't make me angry..LOL

Pupcicle,
getting angry every 3 seconds would make my liver explode, don't get too excited man.
Yes I love me, but I haven't get to the point of self pleasuring me if that's what you're thinking, although I am pretty tempted to try :)