I don’t relate…
What is it with society and eating together? I just don’t get why everybody gathers around to eat together to share their tragedies at lunch time. Since I left my parents house to live my life as a junked ho I ate alone, I mean alone, like nobody around me ever, I kept myself that way even at work, people would look at me like “Uh, poor girl, maybe she smells bad and nobody wants to sit with her”. FYI, I shower every day even twice.
Is not that I don’t enjoy company of people around me, I really do, but only when I feel like listening to things I don’t care about and want to know what the neighbor next door is doing with its life, then I realize their lives are more pathetic than mine and at that point I wished I disappeared from their sight or hit myself on the table till I faint to stop the torture.
Like one time many months ago, I was new at Nutter Industries and just met this, how can I explain, this creature from planet of the apes, oh yeah, the manufacturing engineer and well she is not so popular with the masses here at Nutter Ind. So the only pray she could see was I. While eating my perfectly packed lunch especially fixed by me here she comes, sitting on my perfectly selected table. Ok, no problem, she can sit here if she wants as soon as she doesn’t speak or I’ll get indigestion. My wishes hardly ever come true, she was talking to me about how our boss called her attention because she didn’t go to his office when he needed her. “Can you believe this? He was angry and he told me when ever he needed me I should be there no matter what”- Almost sobbing and chewing her chicken- I dropped my fork and stopped chewing so she could continue venting; at this point she was crying and absorbing the mucus from her nose. “You should stop being a drama queen, didn’t your parents ever yelled at you when you did not obey to their orders?”
Do I really need this, at this time, at this sacred time of the day? Why doesn’t she choose the other guy who is desperately looking around for someone to sit with him (actually he does smell funny), why me?
This does not only happen with her, it happens with everybody who sits with me, like I have a huge sign on my forehead “If you have problems, come and talk to me, I am here to listen”.
Another time when I was sitting alone eating my tuna fish, this girl comes over and sits with me. “Men are such dicks, last night my boyfriend and I were fighting and he dumped me in the middle of the street at 3 am, he doesn’t care about me, he called me names, your boyfriend is like that too?”-Sobbing and again the mucus thing- “Uhm no, he’s not on drugs”.
“Oh look, remember I told you I wanted to have a boobie lift?” –Flash- All of a sudden, the meatballs my mother cooked for me are no longer desirable.
“Remember I told you I had problems going to the bathroom? I have a yeast infection, what medication should I take for that?” I’m not hungry anymore.
And last but not least…
“My husband came back from his trip last night and I banged him like a crazy monkey, I think I’m getting pregnant, I must be pregnant, I mean he was so sexy with that tiger thong he brought from that trip I just did him…” I still laugh when I see her husband every time he picks her up from work.
See, that’s why I like to eat alone, I just hate to have mental images while I’m eating my perfectly made lunch.
Happy Humpday Everyone!