Monday, January 31, 2005

Yoli’s Flashbacks, The Conclusion!

I thought it would never end…

Annoying friend (current BF) was happy and excited that I kissed him and told him I said he was my boyfriend to scare away Choco man, so I asked him to sit right next to me and of course he didn’t say no. He had a friend stuck to him and the guy could not stop staring at my cleavage and I was getting annoyed because I did not want him to look at my cleavage, the cleavage was for the cute guys, not for the Geeks (how rude).

So my BF to be, asked if I wanted to dance, I said no, I didn’t want to dance with him, I wanted to dance with the cute guys so I said I had a bad foot; he kept insisting and I kept saying no, I said no until both of my friends said, ok, if we dance with you will you leave Yoli alone? And my BF to be said “ok” Both of my friends plus my BF to be and his geeky perv friend went to the dance floor; I stayed on the table just looking around for something interesting, but nothing was there to catch. Anyway 5 minutes later I see my two friends coming to the table without the two guys.

Me: Where are the weirdo’s?

Best Friend: Oh, they’re dancing

Me: With who?

Friend: With each other

Me: I don’t get it.

Best Friend: Yeah, we were dancing and the next thing we see geek guy and your friend started dancing together so we just left

Me: You left them standing there?

Friend: No, they left us standing there and so we left them dancing.

Me: Geek and BF to be, dancing with each other?

Best Friend: If you don’t believe us take a look at it yourself.

I checked the dance floor from where I was sitting I saw BF to be and his geeky friend doing a “belly dance” to each other; the two guys were so happy they didn’t notice my two friends had left the dance floor a while ago.

A few minutes later both of them came back with a huge question mark on their faces.

I sat back and watched the show:

BF to be: Where did you go?

Friend: Oh we got tired

BF to be: But why didn’t you tell us? We were looking for you over there and we didn’t see you!

Best Friend: Yeah well we didn’t want to interrupt your dance with your, ahem, friend.

It was hilarious.

BF then wanted to hit on me but I wasn’t paying any attention because I was looking for the cute guys so I think he left because when I turned around he wasn’t there anymore. And as I thought I would not need him anymore I didn’t care. But to my bad luck the waiter son of a gun who left me all alone with the choco man the past week was hitting on me and didn’t leave me alone, for the rest of the evening, that really scare me. When I left the club that night I didn’t come back for another month or two and I didn’t see BF again.

I didn’t go back to the club not because I didn’t want to, but because my car broke down and I didn’t have a way to go over there but you know how it gets once you get used to clubbing every weekend. I felt like an alcoholic and I needed to go back. So I didn’t care, I took my best friend with me and said to her “I don’t care, I’m going clubbing, we’ll take a cab and we’ll have to find someone to take us back home!” So off we went to the same night club, it wasn’t as packed as the last time we were there, something changed, even there were no more cute guys around, all of them were hideous; but as soon as the waiter saw me getting in, he was all over me and I had to find a way to scare him away. I was getting really angry, we were getting bored and the psycho waiter was not making it any better, he was there beside me like a fly flying around a neon light and where ever I walked he would walk after me (was it the perfume I was wearing that makes me call out all the weirdo’s in the club or what?).

My friend and I were about to leave, psycho waiter was getting worst than annoying and he wanted to take me to the DJ’s booth (hell no!) I told him I was waiting for someone and I couldn’t leave. “I’ll come back for you in a few more minutes” psycho waiter said. He kept going on and on with the same thing. A few minutes later and I was about to hit psycho waiter with the table and there he was BF to be and his little brother with this huge smile on his face- I swear I saw him with wings and a big white light over his head- “That’s my boyfriend right there” I yelled on psycho waiter’s ear; again I had to act so I kissed him near his lips and gave him a big crunchy hug, hell he was happy his pants could tell.

Psycho waiter left the table and this time I was making sure BF to be didn’t leave me alone. So the first time he asked me to dance with him I jumped out of the chair; we went to the dance floor, we danced, I looked at him, he looked at me, it was the first time I had him so close to me and he smelled delicious; I have a thing for chest hair and I find it very attractive and sexy when it shows a little bit from the shirt. I don’t know what was in the drinks or in the air but BF seemed the sexiest man on the club. I kissed him, he kissed me back, I took him home and from that moment on he never left me alone, or better yet, we’ve never been apart.

The End

Happy Monday Everyone!

Friday, January 28, 2005

The Friday Quickie!

Hurray for weekends…

A few months back:

BF: When somebody asks you “What time is it?” you should answer “Sarish gherdeh nokish tees”

Me: What does that mean?

BF: It’s like a joke, like a funny ending poem

Me: Ok

A few weeks after that and in company of BF’s family:

BF: What time is it? It’s getting late

Me: Sarish gherdeh nokish tees!

BF’s Family: LOL

Last night before sleeping:

Me: Baby, what does Sarish gherdeh nokish tees mean? And don’t tell me is a joke, I already know is a joke but what is the translation?

BF: Ok, you asked for it. It’s a bad expression

Me: What the!

BF: My tip is sharp and my wood is hard.

Language school: $2000
Books: $200
Repeating a bad word your boyfriend taught you in a new language in front of his family: Priceless, and embarrassing!

Happy Friday Everyone!

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Yoli’s Flashbacks Part 2!

I promise this one is short…er

That week I had a little bit of everything except for what I really was looking for in the first place, a hot man who would rock my world; well I almost had, if it wasn’t for that voice and those shoes.

Anyway, when I found the little ball of paper on my jacket I felt goose bumps all over my skin, so I threw that number away.

One of my workmates had marital problems and she wanted to go wild that weekend so I invited her to come with my best friend and I to our regular place we hung out every weekend.

We walk inside the club, it was packed so we couldn’t sit at our regular table; while we were searching for a place to sit my friend pokes my shoulder “look who’s looking at you?” Agh! It was the choco man and he was coming our way, I quickly grabbed my two friends by the hand and ran like scared mice between the crowds and upstairs near the restrooms.

What the hell is he doing here? “Obviously looking for you” my friend said. He was wearing the same pimp shoes and a white thermal shirt with a hole on the back, a thermal shirt to go clubbing and a huge hole in the back! Way gross. Choco man was turning his bald head in every direction like a lost puppy looking for somebody to adopt him, and as soon as he turned his eyes up where we were, me and my friend hide under a table “did he see us?” I asked, “No I don’t think so” my friend said “what’s going on, why are you on the floor?” My other friend asked, she didn’t know what happened the week before so we just told her to shut up and get down where we were. My best friend peeked her head to the bottom and sees choco man going up the stairs “He’s coming this way ruuuunnn” So we ran down the stairs until we lost him.

We found a table right at the end in a very dark corner so we sit there. “Can somebody tell me what’s going on and why are we running around the club like crazy women?” my clueless friend asked us, “there’s a psycho trying to catch Yoli” my best friend told her. “Really?” Opening her big eyes as wide as two eggs. “Yep” I said.

A bar tender comes to pick our orders; “If you see a black guy in our table please scare him away, he won’t leave me alone” I said to the bartender. He winked his eye and left the table and of course he didn’t bother to attend my demands because as soon as the bar tender walked out of our table there he was, choco man, poking my shoulder and with his squeaky voice making a tribute to his name…”Yolanda, why don’t you talk to me, I really like you, don’t be mean” “Aaahh! What the! Where’s the bar tender? Son of a gun!
“No tip for you!” I yelled. “Why are you here? Wasn’t I clear?” “I just want to say I’m sorry, can I have another chance? Pleeaaasseeee!” “No” I said angrily, “now go before my boyfriend comes and sees you here”. I didn’t have any boyfriend so I had to come up with something and fast otherwise he would know I was lying.

“You don’t have a boyfriend, I know you don’t”. What? This guy must read minds or something. “I do too, and let me tell you my boyfriend is very jealous and if he sees you’re bothering me he’s going to kick your butt” (I need a boyfriend like right now!). “So you won’t give me another chance?” NO! And as if God heard my pledges there he was my annoying friend (currently my BF) coming to say hello with another geeky friend but I didn’t care, he was going to save me. “Hiiiii baby” I kiss my friend on the cheek, he was surprised but happy that I kissed him.

Choco man didn’t say word and with a sad look on his face he turned his back on me to never see him again. And this time was for real because I didn’t go back to that club for about 2 months.

To be continued….

Happy Thursday Everyone!

Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Yoli's Flashbacks!

One time, at boot camp…

Back in the days when I was a night clubholic (which lasted about 6 months..pfth!) I didn’t care actually who I danced with, I just wanted to have fun (and make fun of the guy I danced with).

In one of those many nights, I met this HOT chocolate man; I was sitting with my best friend in one of the nearest tables in the entrance so we could check out all the guys who came in and out of the club and there he came inside; from where we were sitting, we could only see part of his body and that part of his body was way too fine, shaved head, great abs, great muscles, and a very nice bootie.

He noticed our looks; he checked us out for a long time. He was alone and it was perfect, I thought he was checking out on my best friend, she’s very popular with guys, I never catch a fly but I did catch a drunk bad smelling bastard wanting to dance with me which sucked.

Then I see he wants to come over, I tell my friend, my friend turns around and sees my current boyfriend (he wasn’t my boyfriend back then) coming towards our table and sitting down with us. I thought “how rude, this guy is sitting here and we didn’t even invite him”. Hot chocolate then stepped back and found his way to the bar table. My best friend and I were mad at this intruder and very anxious for him to leave so we could leave space for hot chocolate.

A few minutes later, BF (not yet BF back then) said goodbye and left the club. My friend and I were happy and waited for hot chocolate to come back as I knew he was still checking us out from far away on the bar table. As hot chocolate approached, my friend and I could take a complete look of his body:

Friend: What the hell is that?

Me: What?
Friend: There, his shoes, looks like he deep fried them and put the on!

Me: Oh my God! Looks like he stole the witch’s shoes from the wizard of Oz!

Friend: Hell he’s not coming over here with those shoes!

Me: Too late woman, he’s heading your way…ha ha! You’re getting the guy with the ugliest shoes in the…what the hell!

Hot Chocolate no more: (with this Mike Tyson voice) Hi, I was checking you out checking at me from far away, wanna dance?

Friend: Ha ha! Looser (she whispered to my ear)

Me: Um, alright, but just one.

I get up from the chair and wow, where’s the rest of this guy? Am I stepping on a step maybe? Cause he’s too short, I mean, way short.

It was the most embarrassing moment of my life. If someone had a video camera and taped us I would have won the “America’s funniest home videos” prize. Forget about the pointy Aladdin shoes; the dance, that dance I’ll never forget for as long I have memory.

How can I describe his dance moves?

An Ostrich trying to breed with a female?
A penguin being chased by a polar bear?
A pigeon walking and eating bread crumbs?
Or better yet, like a chicken trying to dig out a worm.

I could see my best friend turning blue from the laughter as well as the other people on the dance floor and the people on the tables. Everybody was laughing at him/us, no I didn’t felt it, I heard it everywhere around me.

I didn’t dance one piece with him like I said, I danced for the rest of the evening with him, not because I wanted to but because he pulled me to, and actually I didn’t dance, I just stood there looking at him and trying to understand what he was doing. “Come on girl, just feel the music and let yourself go”, he said as he went swirling/twitching/curling from one point of the dance floor to the other. I gave up and in one of those twirls I grabbed him by the arm and said I wanted to sit down.

The guy was hyper, he was weird, he kept talking in this weird brotha language in a Donald duck’s voice I could not follow his conversation, so I just nodded at everything he said. I think in one of those nods he asked if he could take me out because he asked me for my phone number and if I had weeknights free because he said he was busy on weekends or what ever. I just nodded. I wanted to leave right away, I didn’t want to stay one minute longer, so as soon as I could escape from his conversation I turned around and I see my best friend making out with a guy, I thought “Oh great, now I’m stuck here for the rest of the night with this weirdo; I’ll have to take the best out of it”. So I put my ears in “mute mode” as I checked out his body (except the feet); and what a better way to shut one up but with a kiss. Yes I kissed him, with the curly shoes and the annoying voice I kissed him, but I just thought of those huge muscles and I forgot all about it. The guy got all excited and happy, “give me your real phone number”, he said, “What the! How did he know I gave him a fake number?” I thought; he insisted so much and I felt bad for him so I gave him my real phone number, I didn’t realize till later that week that I have made a. Big Mistake.

The night club was closed after a couple of hours, so we had to leave, the guy was literally attached to me like a tick and he wanted to go home with me and make me happy, at least that’s what he said; I don’t think so, instead, I offered him a ride to the border ‘cause he was from the US. I drove around the border but didn’t know exactly where to drop him so I could make a U turn and head back home because neither my friend or I had a visa to cross the border with him; my friend saw the U turn on the other side of the road and said “oh oh, you’re heading to the border booth” No I’m not, am I? Oh shit! And there I was with my friend and the choco-man making line to cross the border without papers and no way to turn around and go back, so I panicked, and while I panicked my “mute mode” ears turned off and I was hearing Donald duck again calming me down and saying everything was going to be ok.

We get to the Inspector’s booth and asks for our papers, and before I could say a word to him the choco-man started squeaking his voice to my ear talking to the inspector that we made a mistake by crossing here because he wanted to be dropped on the other side but I missed a turn and blah blah blah. The Inspector shut him up and asked me what was going on, and I explained to him exactly what happened. Of course the inspector didn’t believe any of our stories and sent us directly to secondary inspection escorted by two armed men. There they took us by the arm to an office where they sat us down and called us one by one asking us the same questions to verify if we were telling the truth; we all got fingerprinted and filed. While I was waiting for my friend to finish the interrogatory choco man still wanted to play Mr. Love and kept insisting on seeing me in the future.

At the end the police let us go and separated us from choco man (that was the best part of all that mess), but that’s not all; choco man made a dramatic scene like in a romance movie where he is being taken away from the woman of his life, you know how:

“Yolandaaaaa please don’t forget meeeee, promise you will call meeeeeee, pleaaaaseeee promiseeeeee”

“Alright I promise” I turned around while getting into my car still escorted by those big armed men.

“You made a complete ridiculous out of yourself,” My friend said angrily. “Have you seen your face?” “What’s wrong with my face” I said. “You have red lipstick all over you look like a freaking clown!” Damn, no wonder why the police who was taking my statement stared at me with a weird look on his face.

At least I got rid of the choco man for that night and I never expected he would ever call me and I didn’t want him to call me either. I remember he gave me his phone number with his name on it but I forgot where I put it and also forgot his name until 3 days later when I picked up the phone and it was him, how did I know? How can squeaky voice like his be forgotten?

I told him before that I lived with my parents and that I was never alone in the house, so when I knew it was him I denied myself and said I didn’t speak English. He tried calling over and over for about 2 or 3 hours more and I kept hanging up on him; day after day he would keep calling until I finally reached the top of my head and told him I didn’t want to see him. That broke his heart, I know because he began crying and weeping on the phone saying he was sorry for all the trouble he caused me. With that we said our goodbyes and hung up. Over the weekend as I took my clothes to the washer I checked the pockets on my jacket and found a little ball of paper, I opened it up and it was a napkin with a name on it and a phone number, his phone number. “Donald 555-0909”

Oh, now I know why he has this squeaky voice. Ha!

To be continued…

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

The Worst Days of the Year!

I'm cursed I tell ya...

What could possible be worst than this?

Monday:

1. Woke up late and almost killed myself on the road

2. My cough got more disturbing by the minute I almost puked

3. 1 hour before I left work my boss told me I had to stay over time; how long? Till 9 pm

4. Getting back home I bumped into a huge hole on the road I thought I left the car behind and me holding the steering wheel.

5. Got home to find the neighbor’s cars were parked in front of my parking space leaving me a very tight place to park. Took me almost 5 minutes to park.

Tuesday:

1. I woke with a bad headache

2.A woman almost crashes on to me.

3. I forgot to check the tire where I hit the hole

4. The tire literally broke in pieces while I was driving

5. The tire shop took advantage of me by charging me 30 bucks for a very used tire.

6. I bought coffee at a coffee shop and it was plain water, I didn’t realize that till I took a sip 30 minutes after I bought the coffee.

7. My boss just called, I’ll have to stay over time…again.

Happy Tuesday Everyone!

Friday, January 21, 2005

Friday Quickiee!

No Friday Quickiee for you...

No, I'm not posting any friday quickie today, I'm too busy and too tired to post a friday quickie. This is intolerable, unfair and un...un...what ever that ends with erableblabli...ah what the hell!

I'm working my brains out today with a "Proyection" for Nutter Industries. Well do I have a proyection for you Mr. Boss if you keep giving me proyections here and proyections there to see how it proyects if we proyected over here. I might forget where to proyect your proyected work and it might end up proyecting somewhere towards your small wrinkled proyected butt.

So I hope you're having better things to do this weekend compared to me. I'll be proyecting proyections all weekend.

Happy Proyected Friday Everyone!

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

Un-clogging the Clogged!

Speaking of toilets…

My parents changed theirs because it was broken. Now there’s a toilet in the parking space if anybody cares to visit the broken toilet. I think it would look nice as a flowerpot. I’ll talk my parents into it.

What would you do if you moved to a new neighborhood and you have a visit from the neighbors next door with an offer like this?

“Hi, we’re the neighbors next door, nice to meet you. By the way, we’re not here so often, we live in the northern side of California and we come here every once in a while and we don’t know anybody around here, soooo we were wondering, is it too much trouble if you could pay our phone bill, credit card bill, electricity bill, furniture bill and any other bills that come here? Here’s 200 bucks. Oh and while you’re at it, can you take out our garbage? It’s been sitting there for quite a while now so there might be a few roaches and worms, sorry. Oh yes, and don’t forget to water our plants, they’re very delicate and sensitive. Next week we’re having a company dinner so if it’s not too much trouble can you baby sit our 4 children for the weekend? Oh you’re a very nice couple, we really appreciate you’re helping us, you know there were 3 neighbors before you in this house and they only stayed here for a few weeks and left, can you believe they took our money and never came back? I wonder what made them go away so quick?”

I would have run away with the 200 bucks as well. And I would tell the landlord to have those obnoxious neighbors out of there for scarring out the customers. Of course that is not my case, and if it would have, after hearing the words “neighbors next door” I would have slammed my door on their faces just to make clear I don’t want any business with anybody. But my parents are not like that, so now they have all those chores to do before the neighbors get back from where ever they say they come from.

How is it possible that a toilet is clogged because the harpic toilet deodorizer pill fell on the toilet bowl and nobody noticed and flushed it anyway? This makes me think…Do people never see what’s inside a toilet bowl before putting their butts in there? What if a snake is in there or the bowl is full of leeches, or somebody wants to burn your ass with sulfuric acid? Not to mention that maybe the toilet is clogged with other clogging materials such as used toilet paper. I don’t see myself sitting on a toilet before making sure the toilet is impeccable, and when I mean impeccable I mean “Impeccable”.

Is this why most of the women fell inside the toilet when they want to go?

This is unconceivable.

Happy Wednesday Everyone!





Monday, January 17, 2005

Today is Monday!

Today is what?…

I just realized the communication between me and boyfriend is like that game of the broken phone.

Me: Mom and dad are getting out of that apartment and moving to another house two blocks away from us.

BF: Why?

Me: Problems with the keeper

BF: When are they moving?

Me: Probably this week, they still need to pack

BF: Who?

Me: I told you my parents

BF: Your parents? Why?

Me: I told you they have problems with the keeper

BF:
What keeper?

Me: The apartment keeper

BF: They have problems in the building they’re living in?

Me:….yeeeees…

BF: Why?

Me: because there’s no water in the building

BF: Oh that’s bad, they should move.

Me: That’s what I told you they’re doing.

BF: Where do they want to move?

Me: I told you baby, they’re moving two blocks away from us.

BF: Who?

Me: Are you even listening to what I’m saying?

BF: What are you saying?

Me: What did I just said? (green…waaaayy green)

BF: I don’t understand you, you confuse me.

Me: (turning black now) I said, my parents are moving out of the apartment because they have problems with the keeper, so they got another house two blocks away from us.

BF: Oh, and when are they moving?

Me: (deeeeep breath) Probably this week.

BF: This week, when?

Me: I don’t know, maybe Friday.

BF: Why do they want to move on Friday? Why don’t they wait until Saturday so I can help?

Me: I didn’t say they were moving on Friday I just thought they would move that day.

BF: But why?

Me: Ugh! Forget about it.

BF: You should speak to me clearly and correctly because I don’t understand you.

I don’t know, do I really speak weird English or am I speaking in another language and I am not aware of it?

I quit with this man!

Happy Monday Everyone!



Friday, January 14, 2005

A semi short Friday Quickie!

Ok, not as quick as other friday quickies but who cares...shut up...

3 names you go by:
1. Yoli
2. Yolanda
3. Yola

3 screen names you have:
1. Ekoloka
2. Rubber Ducky
3. Topoli (my boyfriend calls me that way…aint that cute?)

3 things you like about yourself:
1. My maturaty (bwaaha)
2. My un-attachment to the people around me
3. My sense of alert 24/7

3 things you hate/dislike about yourself.
1. My insecurity to everything (even myself)
2. My lack of trust on others (even myself)
3. My lack of sensitivity ( and I really don’t care but you wanted 3 right)

3 parts of your heritage:
1. Spanish
2. French
3. Arab+German+Native Mexican+probably chineese?


3 things that scare you:
1. Germs (I hate those little sneaky things)
2. Dust Mites
3. All hideous freaks of nature


3 of your everyday essentials:
1. Sweets (I’m hypoglycemic)
2. My boyfriend
3. Blooooging

3 things you're wearing right now:
1. 3 shirts (it’s freezing cold)
2. 2 pants (it’s freezing cold)
3. 2 pairs of socks (it’s freezing cold)

3 of your favorite bands/artists:
1. Savage Garden
2. Destiny’s Child
3. Enya

3 of your favorite songs at present:
1. The Reason - Hoobastang
2. White Flag – Dido
3. That’s it!

3 new things you want to try in the next 12 months:
1. Save enough money
2. Get out of this joint
3. Get me a business of my own

3 things you want in a relationship (love is a given):
1. Trust
2. Trust
3. I think I’m clear by now

2 truths and a lie:(no particular order to keep ya guessing)
1. I never go to public restrooms
2. I am an ambidextrous
3. I have been in a treesome


3 Physical things about a love interest that appeal:
1. Hands
2. Hair
3. Height


3 things you just can't do:
1. Kiss a pig (If the opportunity ever shows)
2. Eat worms (if the opportunity ever shows)
3. Smoke


3 of your favorite hobbies:
1. Reading
2. Look at people walking (it’s a family thing, my mom likes to see people eating)
3. Mock at people that walks funny

3 things you want to do really badly right now:
1. Go home
2. Kill those two bitches that want to take my money….
3. Look for a place to put my business because I can’t stand being here breathing the same oxygen with those two bitches.

3 careers you're considering:
1. Once I thought considering to be a psychiatrist
2. Then again maybe a psychologist
3. But is best to be a businesswoman so I can have my own business and get the hell out of here and never see those two bitches again in my life and if they show in my business I’ll put poison in their food so they diiiieeee.

3 places you want to go on vacation:
1. Any place that has beaches and warm sun (Cause I live near a beach but is not near a warm sun over here)
2. Any place where there are mountains and fresh air (cause I live near mountains but there is no fresh air around here)
3. Any place where I will just relax and do what ever I want

3 kids names (either boy or girl):
1. I have no kids
2. I never have
3. And never will

3 things you want to do before you die:
1. Run my own business
2. Make something worth living as a human being
3. I want to leave a mark for the people who knows me

3 people who have to take this quiz now:
1. Who hasn’t already2. I’ll leave this space open
3. To who ever wants to take this quiz (although I think I was the last one to take it)

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Beware of the Border Crossing Chickens!

Don’t let our mariachis and big sombreros fool you…

While I was on vacation I woke up way too early in the morning to catch up the early morning news, you know the ones that show at 5:00 am (I’m never up this early but my brain loves to torture me like this) and heard that the Mexican Department of Immigration has created a “Users Manual” on how to cross the border “Illegally”.

Did I hear that right? Yes I did, they repeated the news twice (I stayed for the 5:30 am news too). The booklet is a few pages long and has graphics and pictures of the so called “chickens” crossing the border running like they saw a ghost (well actually they saw the “migra” and ran the hell out of there). This manual also gives tips on how to survive in the cold and hot weathers of the deserts and how to cross the “Rio Bravo” if the river is too high, or when its raining and such and the precautions they should take in case of hypothermia.

And to give it a bit of a more interest, it also gives information to illegal immigrants about their rights as human beings (even though they’re called chickens) when they’re caught by the Border Patrol.

I can make the picture in my mind:

Border Patrol: Stop Chicken! Turn around and put your hands up.

Illegal Immigrant: Wait un meenute plees, I am knot ah chiken, I am illeegal immigraant , can I see your eye dee?

BP: What the hell is this all about! Don’t try to make fun of me you Mexican I said put your dirty hands up!

IM: Doughnut poosh me, aand doughnut yell at mee, Eye have rites.

BP: You have no rights in this country, you’re an illegal alien (scratching his head) You’re trying to distract me!

IM: I have rites, it says so rite heer (shows him the manual) so u beter treet mee like humahn been or I sue u, now, huers deh migra trock? I em tierd, take me too drink huatter.

The booklet is free and absolutely anybody can get a copy of it.

I’m getting one myself, just for the fun of it.

Happy Thursday Everyone!

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

The Humps of Wednesdays!

The best of the week is here…

Or at least that’s what I’m trying to think (think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts). I am not going to let anybody ruin our first day of sun after 3 weeks of rain, no, those two crows in HR are not going to ruin my favorite day of the week; Die bitches!!! (Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts).

I couldn’t believe my ears when I heard from one of my workmates those two crows wanted to cut my salary for the days I was off last week because I didn’t fill out any sick form and they only wanted to pay me a day and a few hours that I came here when I don’t even check my time!. Damn you women!!! (Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts).

How come when they were “sick” (i.e. liposuction and tummy tuck operation) they didn’t took those days off their own freaking paychecks? Hope that fat comes back to you 10 times the amount you lost biyotches! (Think happy thoughts, think happy thoughts).

How come when they’re coming in a “little bit late” (i.e. 9 am when it’s supposed to be 8 am their in time) they don’t discount it themselves from their paycheck? Is there a law where it says HR people are exempt and also including those who are very much related or in sympathy with HR people are exempt from discounts from their paycheck when they are not concluding their 50 hour working journey? I don’t think so! Who the hell do they think they are, Gods? Hideous Creeps of Nature! (Think happy thoughts, think happy freaking thoughts dammit!)

If they don’t like me then why don’t they sell me and buy a rabbit to eat it in a freaking rabbit stew so they die indigestion and heart burn. ( Think happy…aggghhhrrrrr!!!)

Screw them happy thoughts! I hope those two die of salmonella and someone pinches them with a shot full of sulfuric acid by mistake freaking parasites of humanity!

Wow, that feels better already.

Happy Hump day Everyone!

Monday, January 10, 2005

Who let the Dogs out!

Cough…cough…cough cough cough …

Anybody interested in a throat and a pair of lungs? I’m giving them away for free.

I didn’t take a shower this morning, so I am officially the mistress of Pepe LePew; don’t come near me, I stink, weird fact is I stink like a baby, maybe because I use too much of that baby powder, I just can’t get enough of it. Bad thing is when I put it on there’s always some that gets into my clothes so I always have baby powder on my butt, aren’t I cute?

I’m soooo, sooo, sooo backed up on work right now I want to run away and scream; but I’ll just hold it because is still raining outside.

I haven’t been able to catch up on my work because I’m doing a special “investigative report” for my boss on “Places to go in New Zealand and its surroundings” because he’s going on vacations next month. So I’m not the production assistant for Nutter Industries at the moment, I am a the travel agent of the week, and I must say I prefer the Production Assistant position better than a travel agent answering a bunch of questions about a country I didn’t even know it was an island. Excuse my ignorance.

In other news, I knew there was sunshine between those dark clouds; I found out while I was sick in bed that Nutter Industries owes me over $500 dollars worth of my salary. I’m mentally dancing over here; how did I know, well I’m a very curious woman and I didn’t have anything to do, so I saw one of my paychecks and thought “let’s play accountant” and I found this huge mistake on my salary month after month; I could not believe it. The best thing of all is Nutter Industries is going to pay it off every single cent of it.

I’m so freaking happy!!!

Drinks are on me…Woo hoo!

Happy Monday Everyone!

Friday, January 07, 2005

Drippy Friday Quickie!

And the first one of the year...

I'm back after 2 full days off. I still feel a bit crappy but not as crappy as I felt tuesday. And with my luck is raining again, this is a big storm.

I really don't understand it. Monday was raining like crazy and I thought, well is going to rain like this all day I better get home and stay in bed or I'll get worse; well I got off from work with the windshields running like hell and big rivers of mud and rocks coming over me and as soon as I get home the rain went away and the sunshine covered my town and didn't rain anymore. CRAP!

Tuesday the same, I got off from work early aswell because I thought it would rain the same all day, well the rain was so bad they had to close the main road and they sent me up to some weird mountain with big hills; I got lost by the way. As soon as I got home the sunshine arose and the birds were singing. Did it rain after that? NO, CRRAAAP!

I stayed in bed for 2 days, Wednesday and Thursday because there was this big storm coming over and I thought, well this time I am not moving from here. Did it rain those two days? NOOOOO!

Today is my first day of work after those two sick days, and the rain is at its full, I mean, alot, like too much!. Am I going early today? NO! And not because I don't want to but because I can't, my boss won't let me get off from work early today because he looks I am better.

And this time the storm is for real; school is off and the weather man says it won't stop until Tuesday of next week.

SUPER CRAP!

Happy Friday Everyone!

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

2005!

Hell no way no is not...I just can't be...

Hell I'm back, and cursing all the way, why? The "storms" haven't stopped kicking our butts for the last two weeks that's why! Soon I'll have to get me one of those cannoo thingies and a life jacket so I don't drown.

I just discovered what I love best, cleaning, I'm a clean freak, oh and take out the rain water that gets inside my house without my permission all the way to my living room, yes.

I also got me for christmas a hell of a cough, it took me so by surprise I didn't even see it coming, one day I was great and then all of a sudden I was coughin and now look at me, I have killer abs and jaw pain from that all that dog cough. Someobody shoot me please.

I spent new year sleeping, what a great way of not knowing what is going on around and when the past year went. I just woke up with 100 more gray hairs and 10 more facial marks, oh yeah, and I also found I have a serious case of flat feet, I didn't notice that until new year morning when I got out of bed and almost fell down the floor because my feet were too damn flat to hold me; that really hurts, I should go to the doctor soon.

So actually the week and a half off wasn't all that bad, I didn't even feel it with all that cleaning I did to my house so I have discovered, I do more work at home than what I do at Nutter Industries in a whole week, that's gotta suck.

And I'm off right now to my home and try to have some rest, I can't hold this coughing much longer and it really is killing me, people outside my window are looking at me like I have tuberculosis....Stop looking at me people I'm not contagious, I just look that way!

Happy Tuesday Everyone!