Wednesday, June 02, 2004

Automatic toilets!

How far will humans go for the sake of laziness?…

How difficult is it to just unzip, sit, do your doo doo’s, wipe, zip, flush….huh?

Is it really that hard? Does it make too much exercise for your hand to flush the toilet after your done? Cause if it was, I bet it would go after the spinning session or the Tae-Bo practice, “Flushing session @ 6:00 pm Mon-Tue-Friday” I bet you that, or it would be advertised in one of those telemarketing channels at 2 am:

“The flusher 2000 Plus, includes 1 easy to use light weight ready to go toilet, and weights in the chain so you can start pumping your fingers at the scale you desire, call in now and we’ll include a toilet cleaner, and air freshener and a big carry bag to take your Flusher 200 Plus Free! That’s right, call in the next 30 minutes and you will receive those 3 items for Free, so why wait! Other toilets give you the same weight every time and they’re so heavy you have to stay at home to use it, but not with the Flusher 2000 Plus, the Flusher 2000 Plus gives you plenty to work on, you can work on your back arm, your shoulders, and if you’re tougher even your jaws, call now for this special offer”.

But no, actually flushing toilets is not an exercise and is one of the easiest things to do in the world, hey! If you can play X-Box or Super Mega Nintendo Hi Tec Plus with lots and lots of tiny little buttons you can flush a freaking toilet!!!!

That’s why the scientists and computer technology experts designed the automatic toilet flush (not recommended for people with heart condition) which makes a fresh flush every 5 seconds (if you were thinking of lasting longer in a toilet for sure your tooshie will get showered with cool water at least 3 times before you get up).

I have never liked these automatic toilet systems, first because when I get in there this little red light indicates you’re there, about to do your stuff, as if someone was watching me or something, I don’t know, I feel naked with this toilet; second because I am about to get started with my business when FLUUSSSHH goes the toilet, I can’t concentrate, I just can’t.

This afternoon I had the nature call and there I went to take a visit to Mr. Automatic bowl, and it right when I was about to get relaxed this annoying bowl flushed and guess what I did? I half got up with half my pants down because I got scared; imagine peace and quiet inside the restroom and suddenly you hear this flushing sound underneath and you feel fresh air coming down your tooshie and little sprinkles of water…that’s traumatizing…for me it is!, good thing the door was able to stop me ‘cause otherwise I would have stamped myself in the toilet in front, now that would be embarrassing, Yoli with her pants down landing on the person sitting in the toilet infront of me…I can hardly see the image there.

I think that besides this electronic red eye laser there should be a voice asking us permission to flush the toilet would have a voice detector so when we said No then the toilet would hold, and after 5 seconds more the voice would ask permission to flush again and if we said Yes, until then it would flush….yeah, that’s a good idea don’t you think? That way we are all happy and we can all do our business properly without having our tooshies flushed 3 or 4 times, now that I would call it the Flusher 2000 Plus.


Kevin said...

Yoli! Happy birthday! It seems like everybody's birthday is going on. Sorry about the wet tooshie. I've always found the surprise flush kind of exhilarating. Sometimes I lean to the right or left just to trigger the laser eye on purpose. That's just me though.

Have a good week.

Kevin said...

PS, I always pictured you as a hot little Mexican gal. If that's you in the photo, man was I way off! :)

Yoli said...

How could you!? I look cute in that picture, a fresh country morning wake up picture...all natural! I don't care what other people might say people say, I am HOT, HOT HOT HOT. YEAH!

Jenn said...

Hey miss Yoli girl,
The one thing I know you love about the self flushing toilet is you don't have to touch the flusher that some stranger flushed before you with god only know what on their hands!!!! It is a lot more grem free, I am always half scared to sit on toilets outside my house. I have only see the self flusher like 2 times in my life, yeah I am a hick from the sticks.

Justin said...

If it's a motion-activated flush, it shouldn't be going off until you get up. Or maybe you're just tiny and not enough to fill up the detector's eye all the time, or you move around a lot or something...I don't want to know.

Oh, I know. Maybe you just excite the sensor so much it goes off repeatedly. It gets all confused. Shame, shame.

toron said...

Hi, please let me link you. Cool writing, great entries!


Prestbury said...

Hi Yoli,
I don't picture you sitting in your office anymore. I picture you sitting somewhere else now! Your job seems to involve a lot of water.

Yoli said...

Don't even go there woman! I hate germs, and the worst thing I hate about the automatic flusher thingy is that the water that sprinkles....ok...I won't go there!

I am not tiny at all actually I am a huge built woman, I think these flushers are wrong and need to be fixed.

I am a pleaser, so sure I will, I'll link you to my blog. Thank you for your nice comments :)

Yep, everything has to do with water over here, just try not to imagine me in a toilet...that would be embarassing...undo..undo...there's no place like home! think! there's no place like home!.

Vadergrrrl said...

I thank God for thes toilets. I hate it when some idiot does NOT flush the toilet after taking a #2. Sometimes in the public bathroom it seems most of the toilets have little surprises in them. Eegads.
Great blog by the way.

Inanna said...

Yoli, great blog! Have had that surprise flush more than once... ewwwww.

Crayon said...

hi Yoli,

I've been following your blog for quite a bit now, linked to it from Tjs place, and have been very entertained. I have added it as one of my Recommended links on my Blog.

Loved the automatic toilet story, but what happened to me was the toilet opened the doors automatically after a set period of time. Dont ask me why, thats Aussie toilets for you, the fuckers, hehehe.

Anyway, love your blog, its refreshing to read.

- Crayon

Prestbury said...

Okay Dorothy!

Justin said...

I think I'm right about the confused sensor though.

Seeker said...

I must say I laughed out loud after reading this. I have added you to my favorite links section on my blog...Hope you don't mind =)

Yoli said...

Vanderfrrrrl, Inanna, Seeker
Thank you for linking my blog and thanks so much for the comments. I feel as if I won an academy award now...tee hee. Hope you keep entertained :)

Now that is not pretty, opening the door after a while!! that's insane!! that's horrible!!...thanks for letting me know now.

If it's a sensor problem I better not move...ha!